What marathoner status means to me.

Well...sigh...it's over.

Never have I been so happy to say something was behind me in all my life.

This may end up highly cryptic and only meaningful to myself...but I have to release all of these thoughts whirling...whirling...whirling...in my head. My feet may have stopped running...but my mind has started a sprint that my emotions simply cannot keep up with any longer. I'll have to trust my fingers to get me where my legs have failed.

In true granola fashion, I'll not start at the beginning or end...but right in the middle...hoping the words will wind themselves around to one big happily ever after.

As I crossed the finish line I celebrated. I celebrated not because I was now one of the 1%, but because it was behind me...it...being the expectations...discussions...preparations...irritations...oh the irritations...my heart still quickens and I still want to slam my head into a car when I think of the many irritations (moving, illnesses, skipped runs, etc). I can say with much assurance that emotional disappointments and mental irritations can be the biggest wall one hits during 26.2 miles. My muscles fatigued, my feet hurt, my back ached...but my mind...oh my mind...always has...always will be...my biggest enemy.

As I crossed the finish line I searched. I searched for my husband. The one whose very presence calms me...anchors me...inspires me. He ran his first 5K that morning. All I could think about the last few hours( besides how bitterly disappointed I was becoming in what was shaping up to be a very boring and foot numbing run) was crossing the finish line so that my knight-in-a-lime-green-race-t-shirt could whisk me away from all the people...oh my...the people. I just wanted to get away from all the people. Crowds of people exhaust me more than running ever has.

As I crossed the finish line I learned. I learned that the expected sense of accomplishment of completing my marathon pales in comparison to the daily sense of accomplishment that I feel in the little moments of my life. I learned that I love my husband more than I ever imagined...that my children take my breath away more than any bucket list dream...that you can love something [running] so much that the expectations of what it will bring can rob it of all the joy...kill the moment...leave you empty...and very very very sore.

After crossing the finish line I realized. I realized that I have the best group of friends and family that any Granola could ever desire. I realized that some of my favorite moments during the race were the ones that I found myself utterly alone and very discouraged. It was in those moments that I reached out to the others around me who seemed to be in the same situation. It was in the moments that I felt totally empty that the act of reaching out to others was exactly what filled me up again...kindness of a stranger...unexpected act of compassion in a difficult situation.

After crossing the finish line I acknowledged. I acknowledged that maybe it was exactly what I had expected...it was hard...it was sacrifice...it was beyond all of my wildest imaginings. I acknowledged that my biggest hurdles to climb were my thoughts...my hurt feelings...my frustration. I am pretty sure I smeared them all on the streets of Memphis. I acknowledged that I will most likely never run that particular race again...for whatever reason...it was just too painful.

Now that I have crossed the finish line I can say that "marathoner status" has reminded me to simply look around...not too far back...not too far ahead...just right around. Look around...reach out...take it all in....the good and the bad...and keep putting one foot in front of the other...and to bring as many along with me as will come.

Everyone is a marathoner...whether they realize it or not.

mile one...one mile

as a part of our home schooling schedule, i have added biking, walking, or running to the start of every morning. i already aspire to do this with my running partner before the sun comes up, but i want it to become a part of my children's lives that is so natural, so reliable they never have to have an internal debate deliberating over the sleep vs exercise dilemma.

anyhow, on monday they decided that they wanted to run (go figure as my body still ached from saturday's run and then that morning's three miler). we looked up map my run for a one mile route at j-bob's request and started out on our way.

mermaid is steady, fluid, determined.

j-bob is sporadic, solid, prone to bursts that leave him tired.

they both warm my heart watching them run. i see long distance in mermaid's future and sprints or shot put in j-man's.

i see a passion and a preference for movement already...and opportunity for life lessons when the run gets hard.

as we are coming up the last hill at the end of our first mile, j-bob is slowing...growing tired. i am shouting encouragement from behind: don't you dare give up, just a little bit more, you've got this, you are so strong, work it son, mommy is so proud of you guys!!!

a white haired man with tan skin and a huge smile peaks his head from around his van as he begins to mow his yard and says: you must be the CRAZY mom on the block. the twinkle in his eye confirmed he appreciated my sentiments.

i replied: oh sir, you don't even know!!??

monday motivation aka voices in my head

this am as my alarm went off at 4:45 am...i reached for my phone to text my running partner...our monday ritual...usually each of us begging off in some form or fashion.

today as i went to text her, i heard a still small voice say, "don't think...just do." i obeyed...as still small voices with such authority usually don't speak to me before my morning coffee (even the voices in my head are scared of talking to me prior to caffeine).

i think my running partner initially wanted to duct tape the voice as she was really counting on my loud snoring voice to win out yet another monday morning! but we were rewarded with a "somewhat breeze", and a balmy 80 degrees, and great fellowship to start our week off to the right start!

moral of the story: don't remind your running partner of dunkin' donuts hazelnut coffee after having encouraged her to purchase a programmable coffee pot if you DON'T want her to have lovely sing-song voices beckoning her to rise on monday mornings.

i must say...we even scared some birds this morning as apparently they like to sleep in on monday mornings, too!

"don't think...just DO!"

most things in life i learned in...marathon training.

so today i had a long run. 12.56 miles to be exact...and when it is 90 degrees out by 6 am...one counts every single tenth of a mile!

last week we had to cut our 10 miler short to 9 because i was struggling so badly. it was an awful run. granted 4.5 were straight uphill...but still...it nearly brought me to tears. one bad run can haunt you...it amazes me how mentally...one awful run can negate all the other good runs.

so today i was very nervous. i hydrated for several days, took some b12 and iron supplements (both deplete with high mileage AND i am following vegan diet), and said some serious prayers.

at 4:30 my coffee pot started brewing dunkin' donuts hazelnut coffee...the smell alone makes me want to get out of bed...not to mention the silk dark chocolate almond milk that dances so smoothly with my insanely delicious coffee. my clothes were all laid out...i even had time to check my email. i couldn't bring myself to eat...iron pill or nerves...not sure...but not eating with a 12 miler on the horizon tends to make me nervous...so i grabbed a lara bar and a banana and headed out the door.

it is funny...the artillery required when training for a marathon...gone are the days of shoes, shorts, and shirt...today i had: hydration belt, extra hand-held water bottle, music, cliff shots, banana, water for afterward, towel for afterward, etc.

anyhow...i realized something today. last week's run...the bad one...i tried to do it all alone. i hung back from my running partners, listened to my music, prayed, suffered, hung back more trying to spare them my horrible negative energy, and suffered more. there are no words for that bad of a run. today...i stuck with my running partners. we prayed together. we carried eachother's burdens...each sharing some concerns, some blessings, some heartache, and some hope. when it got really tough...we prayed together again. today i learned that while God does call us to Him...and we can do it with Him alone...He blesses us with eachother...the body...and there is considerably less suffering when we just reach out and let others reach back...not hide our negative energy rather let those who love us...when we are easy and when we are difficult...help us along.

i see this everyday in the absolute blessings i have been given in my friends. but today...i really got it...it really sunk in.

and to top it all off...upon arriving home...my precious son...ran up and hugged me...wiped the sweat from my shirt off of his cheek...and asked me: how was your run, mom??

sigh...there are no words for that moment of thankfulness...according to the "definitions" he should be incapable of doing that...how blessed am i that he defines himself...not his diagnosis!

with tears in my eyes: awesome darling...awesome! and hey, j-bob, thanks for asking.

I love you, Charlotte Mason!!

Wow!! My second year of home schooling is upon us! I cannot believe how quickly the time has passed. Even more, I cannot believe the vast differences in my life brought about by home schooling. Yesterday public school teacher assignments came in. It was hard for me this year, because most likely Mermaid would have received J-Bob's angel of a teacher from his kindergarten year. Mermaid and I vacillated back and forth over whether she would in fact attend kindergarten this year. I knew she'd have an excellent teacher, and I hated the idea of robbing her from a kindergarten experience. To our surprise, OA put his foot down (see above statement about vast differences!!). In hindsight, I am so thankful. Mermaid isn't being robbed of anything. In fact, she had one of the most amazing early kindergarten experiences last year, and in an effort to not encourage her growing up too quickly, I am going to do a more focused gifted kindergarten again this year (she is so smart that we did a type of K last year just to keep her brain occupied).

Anyhow...all of this to lead up to this...some Charlotte Mason quotes on habit training. THIS ladies and gentlemen is why I home school. These values, ideals are the very reason my life home schooling is so much easier (almost hate to use that word...but let's face it...it is the truth) than my life before!

"The mother who takes pains to endow her children with good habits secures for herself smooth and easy days."

"The habits of the child produce the character of the man."

"Every day, every hour the parents are either passively or actively forming those habits in their children upon which, more than upon anything else, future character or conduct depend."

If you are interested in learning more check out Simply Charlotte Mason. They offer all kinds of free e-books! They just released a new one today!