day in the life

mermaid: mommy...i want some gubble gum

mommy: i'm sorry...what? say it again honey

mermaid: gubble gum...like you...in your mouf

daddy: OH, you mean

mommy: (smiling sweetly under her breath) if you correct her, i will kill you...i love the way she says it

daddy: smile (half because mommy is crazy and half because mommy is so right)

mommy: here you go honey, here's some Gubble Gum...

and my other favorite is "purplish"...the kiddos use straws in their water and of course mermaid wants a purple straw because...is there any other color?...well, i guess the straw makers don't realize that it is in fact three year olds who are paying their rent...and three year olds need PURPLE straws! mommies tend to become creative in situations like these...i hold up a purple-pink straw, and i say: oh, here baby, here's a purple-ish straw...

i didn't realize at the time that i would be forever creating a new color...

so, Oversized Asian thought it would be funny to show the kiddos a clip from Family Guy on youtube...you know...the one where the little boy walks up to his mom's bed and says her name 100 times...she finally looks at him and yells "WHAT!?" and he says "hi!" and runs away laughing...

YEAH...let's show a boy who first of all will repeat anything for a laugh...secondly...imitates what he sees on tv...and thirdly...has a little sister who thinks the boy is second only to God and does everything he does...

yep, they thought it would be SO FUNNY to walk around with their purple-ish strawed ice water and say:

header (heather in preschool terms), header, header, header, header, header, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, mom, etc...

my reply: WHAT!!?? (cue fake smile)

their giggled reaction: header, header, header, header,....

real funny Oversized Asian...we'll see who gets the last laugh!!

DISCLAIMER: the kiddos do not watch family guy...i actually really hate (voice in head: we don't say hate mommy...) excuse me...really dislike that show! again another mystery to how a granola meets an asian ends up as happily ever after...God is amazing!

Donut recipe...GFCFSF, egg free, rice free

I modified this easy donut recipe from http://www.allerygrocer.com/ (awesome site btw!). This was honestly so easy that I am ashamed I hadn't tried it sooner...

"Hypoallergenic Donut Recipe"
1 Cup Quinoa flour
1/2 Cup tapioca flour or starch
---you could easily substitute these flours for your own favorite GFflour mixture---
1 1/2 tsp xanthan gum OR guar gum
2 tsp GF baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/2 Cup water---or your favorite milk substitute
2 Tbsp safflower oil---or your favorite
1/2 tsp GF vanilla
1 jar Gerber chicken baby food (I called the company and the Chicken and gravy is GFCF---note it does have cornstarch...you could just as easily sub a fruit or veggie puree!)

*I simply placed canola oil in a soup pan and put the temperature on med-high...

*I let it heat while I was preparing the batter (combine dry ingredients and wet ingredients seperately and then mix together).

*I took my Pampered Chef scooper and plopped little balls into the oil cooking each side about 1 1/2 mins

*I cooled them on a paper towel and then put them into a ziplock bag with powdered sugar (you can make this at home by putting sugar in your food processor for several minutes...for those who cannot have corn as every brand of purchased powder sugar has cornstarch in it)

*Let the kiddos shake them up.

I bet pureed blueberries or apples with cinnamon would be great in these too! Even the mermaid liked them!! Jay-bob actually ate the WHOLE thing...not just around the donut hole! Hope you enjoy!! I will be posting my "mini-pizza" and "elimination pancakes" soon...

perceptions

so tonight i served a family of three...yes...ladies and gentlemen...i am a server...moving back to your snobby home town and waiting tables at the age of 31 is for an entirely different blog...let's just say that God has taught me GREAT humility. actually, i came home tonight and told Oversized Asian: i love my job...and the people i work with...i don't know that i have ever enjoyed both job and co-workers simultaneously...anyhow...focus...

family of three...a mom...a dad...and a quirky teenage boy. the boy immediately caught my attention. it doesn't take many minutes around me to realize that i am constantly self-diagnosing every one i meet...i truly believe i have a great "feel" for these special children...this teenager had to be HFA (high functioning autism) or aspergers...his stories were jumbled...unrelated...and he lacked the ability to read body language. i so very much wanted to just stop everything i was doing and sit and give him the attention he was seeking...my heart hurt in listening to him...

age seems to bring social awkwardness...already, as my son nears 5, i see people judging him differently...it makes me angry...where do you draw the line between allowing your child the freedom to be who he is and/or screaming to everyone: GIVE HIM A BREAK...HE DOESN'T PROCESS THINGS LIKE YOU AND ME!

i will never forget a visit to barnes and noble aka "the train table"...it was time to leave...mermaid age 2 quietly held hands with the friend that came with us and left without blinking twice...jay-bob, on the other hand, began a frantic melt-down. transitions were not his forte' at that point, and he simply did not understand WHY we had to leave. every eye was on my...i calmly hoisted him up and slowly made my way to the door with a three and half year old kicking and screaming...literally...my heart was sick...

at this point i was still in denial/search mode and thought i simply had a "high maintenance son" but had learned from past experiences that spanking does not work in these particular situations(despite MANY people's assured advice that "a good spanking" is simply what he needed...((i feel vomit rising in my throat))...NEVER spank your child out of being guilted or for the benefit of others...it only leads to more severe melt-downs and years of guilt and anger towards the well-intentioned advice givers...not to mention greater confusion for your poor child)...

REFOCUS...(sorry)...the worst part of this "episode" was one man's reaction. feel free to look on me with all the disdain you can muster...i am a big girl and can handle myself...but this man...he glared with disgust and anger...at my son...my three year old boy...i still feel the anger...

i can't keep my cheeks dry during worship at church these days...i feel the pain for so many precious families who have been isolated by society's judgemental reaction to their children who are desperately crying out from the prison's their bodies are holding them in. sometimes i feel guilty...my son is a diet responder...my son is verbal...my son is recovering...he may always be a bit socially awkward...but so is his father...his mind will always be brilliant...he has the gift of seeing things in ways many of us can never dream...but what about the parents whose children are 15 and still not potty trained...what about the mom who has to "sign" a hug to her child...what about the dad who has yet to hear the word "daddy"...

i cry for those families...may i be the one who extends a helping hand or a much needed prayer while their child melts down in public...there was one lady...i will never forget...at walmart in florida...jay-bob was screaming...i was desperate...she came up to me...she smiled at my son...she said, "hurry...go grab what you need"...i ran up the aisle watching her love him despite the screaming...i will never ever forget that lady...i don't know her name...i can't recall her face...but i still feel her love.

timid hands

With timid hands i raise question
to how i am to praise with a
broken heart and rebellious spirit
that constantly control to the
point i fear it will never reach
Your ears?

With a tired voice i call Your name
With shattered dreams i try to
blame the only One who loves me.

With silent tears i drown my rage
that begs for mercy from my
cage of self-destruction.

With guilty eyes i strain to see
the reason why You have
chosen me to love You?

With a humble heart, i drop to my
knees, wondering how
only You to please...

With a selfish spirit i wish would die,
Lord take my heart and
crucify
all the things i hold onto
that hinder me of
reflecting You...

With an arm of mercy and a
heart of grace, You shine
Your light upon my face
blinding me so i can see
that it's only through You
i will ever die to me.

hyb 2000

Oversized Asian

I have yet to introduce my husband...much like my daughter...he is very difficult to define.

Jay-Bob and I are very what-you-see-is-what-you-get...

Oversized Asian...hhmmmm...the preconceived notions begin instantly just by looking at him...we have heard ourselves say more than 10 times...no, he's not mexican...no, he isn't hawiian...yes, he is the biggest japanese person I've ever seen...

He's also gorgeous...and despite the fact that just a few days ago I told him, "we have got to work on your social skills!" He steals my heart EVERYTIME I watch him with our kids!

I never dreamed of marrying someone like him...preppy, jock, never read a book (even the required ones in school AND he bragged about this!!??), video gamer (I cannot really comment on this as it's still a bit of a shock to me), GORGEOUS (the day of our wedding my best friend came running back to me and breathlessly exclaimed, "Gosh, Heather, he's HOT!?!?"...note the shock...hmmm...maybe in my quest to be deep ((dating the guy with the hippie tie dyed van...it was then I learned I cannot stand the smell of a man living in his van with his dog...no matter how cool the life seemed)) I might have overlooked the fact that nice-looking men can be deep, too) .

Our Pastor warned us on our wedding day not to have expectations in marriage...and I understand more and more why not...because God gives us what we NEED not just what we want...

I always prayed for a hippie (hhmmm...then neither of us would bathe), muscian (tried that...no thank you to being second best to inanimate objects), philosophy major (tried that too, he was gay...leaving that topic alone), writer (see philosophy major comment), spiritual giant (my ideas of what these look like have changed considerably over the years), etc...

God answered my prayer by giving me a MAN who is willing to admit he needs a Savior, who loves his family fiercely, who is so excited about now reading books that he requested his "own book shelf "...to put his latest-reads on (it houses five of his books and 25 various kid's book and games...hey, it's a start!), who is able to teach himself how to play guitar and piano pretty much over-night, who listens to me go on and on and on about whatever it is I am going on and on and on about, and who is willing to ride around on our kid's mini-push car in circles through our living room just to make us laugh...OH, and he can kick anyone's butt!!

As I read over this, I realize that I am here to be real...real about marriage...the reality is in my experience and soon to be 8 years of learned wisdom...marriage, like motherhood is hard. If I would have realized in advance the difficulties and the sacrifice required, I would have probably opted out (kindof like the marathon I hope to run someday...but I know too much in advance the pain and sacrifice that is needed...and I am not quite disciplined enough to do so).

My husband is amazing...yet so often I take him for granted. My husband is beautiful...yet so often I see the things that irritate me...I have to stop myself...close my eyes...and pretend like I am seeing him for the first time all over again. We've had a hard year, and I am sure, at times, we have both wanted to run away. I am blessed that instead we have run to God and in doing so been able to run back to eachother...sigh...I am blessed...deeper sigh...really...really...blessed!!

Mermaid

What does this child dream about?

She is so incredibly intense already...

I try so hard not to focus on her beauty,
as I want her to understand she has so much more to offer than just her beautiful features...

yet
already, i catch myself...

we call her 'beauty'

strangers stop us and stare

three years later, i still cannot breathe properly when i look at her...

my God,

she is so incredibly beautiful...

is this how You feel when You look at us?

exhaustion

sleep...i have avoided it my whole life...

it's more than an aversion...it's a fight...

is that why my whole body is crying "mutiny!"?

all i crave is sleep...actually...i still don't want to sleep...

swallowing a pill to force myself into the much needed resting place...

still i cannot get enough...i find myself dozing off while my kids are playing...unable to hold my eyes open as i am reading them a book...what's wrong with me??

i can't even bring myself to make or get a coffee...this coming from a woman who has single-handedly grabbed two half-naked children at four minutes until the coffee kiosk's closing time just to get a double shot latte...i have been trying to work up the energy since 8am...still none...sigh...

i am so tired of being tired!

"mmmoooooommmmy, wipe my boooootttttiiiieeee, please!"

When trying to decide wheather or not to have children...everyone feels the need to weigh in on the subject. I was given so much unsolicited advice ranging from:

* get an alarm clock and set it to go off every four hours 24/7 (my kids were more like every TWO hours...and still don't sleep through the night!)

* say good-bye to your sex life (ours actually improved quite a bit! it's amazing how much more you trust your body with a man who still finds your 9 month Shrek-like figure sexy!)

* it never gets eaiser (with every passing moment of breathing in the amazing joy of childhood...it somehow seems a tad easier...never easy...just manageable)

One gets the picture...the ONLY accurate parenting advice I have EVER gotten is that I will fall in love with this child(ren) like no one can ever ever convey...they will take hold of my heart and with every peel of laughter, teardrop, hurt knee, bad dream, and the inevitable daily cry of:

"mmmmmooooooooommmmmmy, wipe my boootieee, please!"

I am so glad that I didn't realize how hard this job would be! I find myself irritated that that cry always seems to transpire as I am about to sink my teeth into a much anticipated meal...and these thoughts actually cross my mind: hhhhmmmmm....sigh....now i have to wash my hands again....dad gummit...if i don't get up right now, (s)he will have doo-d00 stains on their underwear...worse than that they will itch their bootie and have bootie-juice fingers...sigh...hhhhhhhhmmmmmm.....

"MMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

OK OK...quick four bites...and to the bathroom I go...to wipe a bootie! at dinner!!??

Who can prepare you for loving this? But I do! I love it...I love the innocence of the love my children have for me...not once...no matter how grumpy or impatient I am...do my kiddos ever even consider that they aren't important...they know that their mommy will take care of their every need...

It's amazing how much more I understand the heart of God now that I am a parent...and His love doesn't include any deep sighs, eye rolls, and impatient remarks...I definitely never realized that God would choose to reveal Himself to me while on bootie wiping patrol!!

Spontaneous hugs

Looking back, we always thought it a cute quirky personality trait...the "backwards hug".

Now I wonder, did it hurt to hug...was it a frustrating requirement that was constantly being requested?

Sigh, how does a mother so involved fail to notice that her son rejects hugging? For that matter, how does a mother who prides herself on being so connected to her children not realize that her son more than avoids eye contact...he frankly never locks gazes...deeper sigh...

Well, today I got more than a backwards hug...three months into the gfcfsf (gluten free, casein free, soy free) diet, supplements, and enzymes...I got a SPONTANEOUS hug...and guess what else? A SPONTANEOUS kiss with a held gaze to boot!!

So for the hippo of a "MD" who told me that there was no "scientific evidence" that this diet works...I say...you will never make an unbeliever out of me!! The only eveidence I need is my son's sudden ability to spontaneously wrap his arms around my kneck, put his hands on my cheeks and plant a big wet one right on my lips, and randomly reach out to say..."i wuv you mommy!"

I think kids who begin recovery from the prison their brains are being held captive know more than most children how their mommy's are fighting like hell to win this battle against autism.

They see their mom's fight sleepless nights, depression, impatience, disappointment, anger, ignorant doctor's, family members, guilt, financial setbacks, and most importantly these children witness their mom's fight for the child they know exists inside the mind of their precious angel!

I feel my son's energy, love, appreciation, and I know he's fighting even harder than me!

I needed today...the beautiful sunshine, the windy trees, the spontaneous love...I sit back content...but only for a moment...as now I worry...does my daughter know I am fighting just as hard for her?