i am spewing negative energy...pretty sure this is more of a detox reaction to not having my sugar-filled-casein-loving-latte(s)...i will be making a coconut milk latte at home in the am...or just taking a shot of espresso black...as my headache is to die for. also, my entire body aches...again...i am thinking detox issues...or the fact that we were in the ER monday with mermaid due to her extremely high fever, thought i saw a little seizure, and she woke up crying that she couldn't breathe...sigh...
i can only say...she's been extremely sick...i am convinced more than ever that she should have been on this diet for as long as j-bob has been...i am starting an entire year late...
since beginning the diet (ok...we started...slipped up due to sickness...might i add...the itchy bootie and horrible behavior reappeared when we derailed...no cheating started today) she's most definitely starting to talk alot more...some thoughts here...some thoughts there...her thoughts are great...and they always take me by surprise as i am so used to her being silent. i believe that if you have a child who CAN talk but WONT...there needs to be some investigation...and when our children DO talk...we need to slow our busy lives down a bit and LISTEN. listen because there are plenty of parent's desperately pleading before God to hear their child's voice, listen because we never ever get these precious days back, listen because we never know when it may be the last time we get to hear, and listen because what they are telling us just may save their life.
i love my children...to a fault, i think. i am learning after nearly nine years of marriage...love looks so differently than i'd imagined...my daughter's dark eyes full of sick girl tears staring intently at me as i deep sigh and mumble about how exhausted i am...yet her gaze never ever waivers...even when i suck...she still loves me...doesn't even question...
i so need some time with my Lord...i could grasp so much more beauty from this life of mine if my heart was where it should be...sigh...lonely...exhausted...sigh.
okok...this is not a great advertisement for going gfcf...but bear with me...our DAN! says it always gets worse before it gets better...i kind of view it as punishment for abusing my body for 31 years...i bet in one week...i'll be singing love poems about the OA when i wake up...ummm...well...we shall see...God did make the mornings...i should love and appreciate them...maybe if just once...i could get a FULL night's sleep...aaaaaa...imagine.
My Quivers
Monday, September 29, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
should be cleaning...
ahh...i could get used to this whole not working and sending the kids off to school business! my house is a complete DISASTER. j-bob got his first tardy slip at school and my former boss was the watch-dog dad greeting the cars...i was mortified when i looked at the inside of my car...it looked like book bags, lunch boxes, and toy boxes puked inside my car. well, that's kind of how my house looks except include toilet bowl rings.
i did get all the trash out of my car...i did grocery shop...which in my defense takes twice the amount of time allowing me to read all the labels...as mermaid likes other food than j-bob so now i am having to edit her grocery items, too.
so the day before yesterday, mermaid had a dietary infractions AND didn't get an enzyme...within hours she was screaming that her booty itched and all details aside...i honestly had an out of body experience in order to deal with the following three hours. in the morning, i called her therapist and my friend...who should be paid to be my therapist...crying. my friend is an AMAZING mother in Christ...and parents exactly the way i think God designed...so i took many wonderful notes and readily accepted her advice. she encouraged me in many ways as far as discipline, but also supported the dietary changes.
well, yesterday we had a completely gfcfsf, dye free day for mermaid...and she was INCREDIBLE. i even challenged her with removing my way-too-many-choices that i typically give and simply acted like a mama...as necessary giving direct commands...usually these demands would be met with an immediate fight...NOPE...not yesterday..."ok mommy" and "yes mam" was all i got...SO...if that's not evidence that diet makes a difference...i don't know what is...i am tempted to schedule an infraction a month from now and video tape the results...i am willing to bet that would make some sceptics become believers...but i am too scared to intentionally cause her to feel awful. we did that with j-bob once, and i cried on the floor while we were time-out holding him as my orally defensive child tried to bite me...it was a night-mare...i kept telling him: i am so sorry...mommy is so sorry...we will NEVER give you milk again!!
which leads me to my last thought...i retract thinking my daughter is ASD...i think lots of kids being labeled ASD are really environmentally and chemically toxic children whose bodies cannot handle/absorb/process the world we are throwing them into or more like throwing into them. and not only our children are being affected...how many parents are daily swallowing pills to help us cope...would we not also benefit from evaluating what we put inside our bodies?? what's amazing to me is that i have the faith and first-hand view of a changed diet's benefits for my son...why has it taken me another year to realize that mermaid's behavior: constant unhappiness, fit-ful sleep, drastic mood-swings, asthma, etc. could be the result of what i was putting into her body...i get so angry with people who roll their eyes, change the subject, and patronize me when i talk about j-bob's diet...yet...i have been so reluctant to do the same for mermaid...
i am next...my entire life i have struggled with my tummy hurting, sinus problems, mood swings, cloudy memory, my skin burning, random rashes, etc...are any of you screaming: gluten, milk, food dyes...?? well..if you are not...then you need to go back to the beginning of my blog and read every single post...then...i bet you'll be willing to take the plunge with me. i have 8 more coffees on the coffee card my mom just bought me...i am pledging when that card is finished...i will go gfcf-dye free, too. (sometimes i can handle soy...will probably rotate it unless i have issues)...if any of you have similar issues...feel free to join me...let's say...october 1 is the d-day..ironically...it was one year ago i started j-bob...i should blog next time about specific things we've seen changed in him...it's totally amazing...really...God is so incredibly amazing...it was those nights of constant screaming and no sleep that led me to my knees begging my God to please lead me to the right answer with j-bob...here i am in the same place with mermaid...i am so excited to see what He does in her life this next year...i believe with all my heart that my sweet happy little girl has been hidden inside all along...she's just needed a break from her body's chemical...biological reaction to certain foods...just as jaden's mind was freed...i believe merci's spirit will be freed...it seems so incredibly weird...a little too simple (or not simple at all!)...
sigh...happy eating! btw...why do we need yellow-5 in freaking lemon pepper?? anyone?? and to top it all off...good old fashioned canned fruit medley...in pear juice...yep...cherries are colored artificially...you know b/c if the cherry isn't red enough...we'll take it back...GROAN!
i did get all the trash out of my car...i did grocery shop...which in my defense takes twice the amount of time allowing me to read all the labels...as mermaid likes other food than j-bob so now i am having to edit her grocery items, too.
so the day before yesterday, mermaid had a dietary infractions AND didn't get an enzyme...within hours she was screaming that her booty itched and all details aside...i honestly had an out of body experience in order to deal with the following three hours. in the morning, i called her therapist and my friend...who should be paid to be my therapist...crying. my friend is an AMAZING mother in Christ...and parents exactly the way i think God designed...so i took many wonderful notes and readily accepted her advice. she encouraged me in many ways as far as discipline, but also supported the dietary changes.
well, yesterday we had a completely gfcfsf, dye free day for mermaid...and she was INCREDIBLE. i even challenged her with removing my way-too-many-choices that i typically give and simply acted like a mama...as necessary giving direct commands...usually these demands would be met with an immediate fight...NOPE...not yesterday..."ok mommy" and "yes mam" was all i got...SO...if that's not evidence that diet makes a difference...i don't know what is...i am tempted to schedule an infraction a month from now and video tape the results...i am willing to bet that would make some sceptics become believers...but i am too scared to intentionally cause her to feel awful. we did that with j-bob once, and i cried on the floor while we were time-out holding him as my orally defensive child tried to bite me...it was a night-mare...i kept telling him: i am so sorry...mommy is so sorry...we will NEVER give you milk again!!
which leads me to my last thought...i retract thinking my daughter is ASD...i think lots of kids being labeled ASD are really environmentally and chemically toxic children whose bodies cannot handle/absorb/process the world we are throwing them into or more like throwing into them. and not only our children are being affected...how many parents are daily swallowing pills to help us cope...would we not also benefit from evaluating what we put inside our bodies?? what's amazing to me is that i have the faith and first-hand view of a changed diet's benefits for my son...why has it taken me another year to realize that mermaid's behavior: constant unhappiness, fit-ful sleep, drastic mood-swings, asthma, etc. could be the result of what i was putting into her body...i get so angry with people who roll their eyes, change the subject, and patronize me when i talk about j-bob's diet...yet...i have been so reluctant to do the same for mermaid...
i am next...my entire life i have struggled with my tummy hurting, sinus problems, mood swings, cloudy memory, my skin burning, random rashes, etc...are any of you screaming: gluten, milk, food dyes...?? well..if you are not...then you need to go back to the beginning of my blog and read every single post...then...i bet you'll be willing to take the plunge with me. i have 8 more coffees on the coffee card my mom just bought me...i am pledging when that card is finished...i will go gfcf-dye free, too. (sometimes i can handle soy...will probably rotate it unless i have issues)...if any of you have similar issues...feel free to join me...let's say...october 1 is the d-day..ironically...it was one year ago i started j-bob...i should blog next time about specific things we've seen changed in him...it's totally amazing...really...God is so incredibly amazing...it was those nights of constant screaming and no sleep that led me to my knees begging my God to please lead me to the right answer with j-bob...here i am in the same place with mermaid...i am so excited to see what He does in her life this next year...i believe with all my heart that my sweet happy little girl has been hidden inside all along...she's just needed a break from her body's chemical...biological reaction to certain foods...just as jaden's mind was freed...i believe merci's spirit will be freed...it seems so incredibly weird...a little too simple (or not simple at all!)...
sigh...happy eating! btw...why do we need yellow-5 in freaking lemon pepper?? anyone?? and to top it all off...good old fashioned canned fruit medley...in pear juice...yep...cherries are colored artificially...you know b/c if the cherry isn't red enough...we'll take it back...GROAN!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
should be studying
i should be studying but i have the house to myself with no drs appointment or therapy sessions to whisk a child to...i am in HEAVEN! is it possible that heaven will be in the form of a soft cozy robe with a steaming hot cup of coffee and a good book? all alone...quiet...just Jesus occasionally peeking in to make sure i am doing well...i know i know...don't stone me...heaven isn't going to be about me...but when i finally get there...heaven will include that wonderful part of no more selfish attitudes...until then...i am a big flesh-fightin' fool.
ok. so i am thinking that "here i go again"...and of course...it's an uphill battle bc the "professionals" told me not to worry, along with every other tom, dick, and harry...but that nagging voice inside...that random post on a group that i have had no time to read...but happened to read just this one today...i don't know...i honestly think mermaid is showing...has always showed some signs of ASD...there are just too many things...though...i am not going to fight to label her...as i think she will do just fine without it (thanks to biomedical treatments!! and her behavior therapy...you know for ODD-ha)...BUT...i am going to promptly remove gluten, casein, and soy from her diet. i am also going to start her on the same supplements as j-bob and if we could afford it...i would send her to our DAN...
maybe it's just wishful thinking...bc of course...i am that mom who wants there to be something wrong with both of my kids...or...bc "what i have been through with jaden" naturally causes me to worry and see things that aren't there...SCREAM...mentally slapping about three different people right now...ok...sorry...*composure* but i cannot ignore the clues...i cannot ignore that most moms aren't on the brink of nervous breakdowns bc of their child's behavior...i refuse to listen to the comments that it's just bc i lack consistency, need to spank more, haven't given enough attention, etc. rather, i will once again put on my big-girl panties...take yet another family time-out and only surround myself with that which will bring my daughter closer to experiencing a normal, happy life.
so my question is...if autism is a neurological disorder...why does it also HAVE to include delays? that is the only part that kicks mermaid out from consideration...but wasn't i also told my son could be "no where" on the spectrum bc he was social (might i add that the "whale" of a dr who said this will no longer be with the center in the near future!!)? mermaid isn't social...but doesn't have delays...rather...i am willing to bet she would test gifted...j-bob's iq was average to above average...also willing to bet it would test simply above average now that he's almost 1 year into biomedical treatment...anyhow...i digress...the bottom line...i am sticking to my guns on mermaid...no further vaccinations...no more gluten, casein, or soy...and adding supplements as soon as $$ allows!
thank you Jesus for that one piece of validation that i am in fact listening to You...sigh...how hard it is to hear Your voice over my own nagging-guilt-infused-second-guessing voice...You are so faithful...even when i am not.
ok. so i am thinking that "here i go again"...and of course...it's an uphill battle bc the "professionals" told me not to worry, along with every other tom, dick, and harry...but that nagging voice inside...that random post on a group that i have had no time to read...but happened to read just this one today...i don't know...i honestly think mermaid is showing...has always showed some signs of ASD...there are just too many things...though...i am not going to fight to label her...as i think she will do just fine without it (thanks to biomedical treatments!! and her behavior therapy...you know for ODD-ha)...BUT...i am going to promptly remove gluten, casein, and soy from her diet. i am also going to start her on the same supplements as j-bob and if we could afford it...i would send her to our DAN...
maybe it's just wishful thinking...bc of course...i am that mom who wants there to be something wrong with both of my kids...or...bc "what i have been through with jaden" naturally causes me to worry and see things that aren't there...SCREAM...mentally slapping about three different people right now...ok...sorry...*composure* but i cannot ignore the clues...i cannot ignore that most moms aren't on the brink of nervous breakdowns bc of their child's behavior...i refuse to listen to the comments that it's just bc i lack consistency, need to spank more, haven't given enough attention, etc. rather, i will once again put on my big-girl panties...take yet another family time-out and only surround myself with that which will bring my daughter closer to experiencing a normal, happy life.
so my question is...if autism is a neurological disorder...why does it also HAVE to include delays? that is the only part that kicks mermaid out from consideration...but wasn't i also told my son could be "no where" on the spectrum bc he was social (might i add that the "whale" of a dr who said this will no longer be with the center in the near future!!)? mermaid isn't social...but doesn't have delays...rather...i am willing to bet she would test gifted...j-bob's iq was average to above average...also willing to bet it would test simply above average now that he's almost 1 year into biomedical treatment...anyhow...i digress...the bottom line...i am sticking to my guns on mermaid...no further vaccinations...no more gluten, casein, or soy...and adding supplements as soon as $$ allows!
just yesterday...after my huge meltdown the day before which promptly led me to my knees in prayer (why does it take meltdowns for me to humble myself)...mermaid's quiet voice from the backseat of the car: mommy, i liked taking a nap today...and mommy...i love my school...
thank you Jesus for that one piece of validation that i am in fact listening to You...sigh...how hard it is to hear Your voice over my own nagging-guilt-infused-second-guessing voice...You are so faithful...even when i am not.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
wow...time flies
can't believe where time goes. this will be short-ish (yeah, right!). i am tired, still a bit sick, and did i mention tired?
i am back in school at UALR for speech pathology...loving it...but my classes are hard, and i ridiculously feel the need to strive for a 4.0.
jay-bob is doing AMAZING at school. i won't say he "loves" school...but he really thrives in school...so i think deep down he must like it quite a bit...i believe if he could have me accompany him throughout the entire day...he would "love" school. we are all missing each other quite a bit...well...i am not so sure the OA isn't "loving" the alone time our new schedules are giving him...but he pretends to miss us!
merminator...ahh...the reason i have not been able to breathe let alone blog. sigh...let's just say it has been some of the toughest few weeks of my entire life...to include yucky childhood crap...i never want to go through the last few weeks again. they resulted in mermaid promptly being evaluated. i am 98% sure she has similar weird food sensitivities as jay-man b/c as i reflected what in the world had changed...i realized i was allowing milk in her diet ALOT and as a means to ease my guilt of putting her in preschool...i was buying her gum everyday which has the dreaded food dyes and BHT...SO...i believe those things contributed to her out-of-control-behavior...BUT...we have had some behavior issues since she was old enough to assert her very strong willed and stubborn personality...therefore, we start behavior therapy once a week for my precious mermaid the 26th of this month.
i am very thankful for the therapist as we've had great success with j-bob's eating...and already having better results from mermaid's behavior with just the few suggestions she me gave on friday. i will post specifically what i am doing with mermaid as i want to closely document the changes...i truly believe that gfcf/feingold is soooooo not just for adhd and autism! i am hoping that if i see the results i expect i will see...more moms will be willing to try the biomedical approach.
so, that's it in a nut shell...OA is doing well...he leaves at the end of the month for 5 days...the longest we will have ever been apart in almost 9 years of marriage...yet again...he's pretending that he will miss us...but i have a hard time believing him as his company is putting him up in a hotel that includes a freaking theme park!! yeah, he's not fooling me!! oh well...isn't it so tough to be the man? (insert majorly freakishly jealous glare)..sigh...i know i need a break...because today i have been bitter a few too many times...sigh..sigh...sigh...i hate it when i get so tired i can't put my mind in proper perspective...thank God tomorrow's sunday...and i don't care who is sick at my house in the morning...i need to go to church...
oh well, melatonin here i come!
i am back in school at UALR for speech pathology...loving it...but my classes are hard, and i ridiculously feel the need to strive for a 4.0.
jay-bob is doing AMAZING at school. i won't say he "loves" school...but he really thrives in school...so i think deep down he must like it quite a bit...i believe if he could have me accompany him throughout the entire day...he would "love" school. we are all missing each other quite a bit...well...i am not so sure the OA isn't "loving" the alone time our new schedules are giving him...but he pretends to miss us!
merminator...ahh...the reason i have not been able to breathe let alone blog. sigh...let's just say it has been some of the toughest few weeks of my entire life...to include yucky childhood crap...i never want to go through the last few weeks again. they resulted in mermaid promptly being evaluated. i am 98% sure she has similar weird food sensitivities as jay-man b/c as i reflected what in the world had changed...i realized i was allowing milk in her diet ALOT and as a means to ease my guilt of putting her in preschool...i was buying her gum everyday which has the dreaded food dyes and BHT...SO...i believe those things contributed to her out-of-control-behavior...BUT...we have had some behavior issues since she was old enough to assert her very strong willed and stubborn personality...therefore, we start behavior therapy once a week for my precious mermaid the 26th of this month.
i am very thankful for the therapist as we've had great success with j-bob's eating...and already having better results from mermaid's behavior with just the few suggestions she me gave on friday. i will post specifically what i am doing with mermaid as i want to closely document the changes...i truly believe that gfcf/feingold is soooooo not just for adhd and autism! i am hoping that if i see the results i expect i will see...more moms will be willing to try the biomedical approach.
so, that's it in a nut shell...OA is doing well...he leaves at the end of the month for 5 days...the longest we will have ever been apart in almost 9 years of marriage...yet again...he's pretending that he will miss us...but i have a hard time believing him as his company is putting him up in a hotel that includes a freaking theme park!! yeah, he's not fooling me!! oh well...isn't it so tough to be the man? (insert majorly freakishly jealous glare)..sigh...i know i need a break...because today i have been bitter a few too many times...sigh..sigh...sigh...i hate it when i get so tired i can't put my mind in proper perspective...thank God tomorrow's sunday...and i don't care who is sick at my house in the morning...i need to go to church...
oh well, melatonin here i come!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)