mile one...one mile

as a part of our home schooling schedule, i have added biking, walking, or running to the start of every morning. i already aspire to do this with my running partner before the sun comes up, but i want it to become a part of my children's lives that is so natural, so reliable they never have to have an internal debate deliberating over the sleep vs exercise dilemma.

anyhow, on monday they decided that they wanted to run (go figure as my body still ached from saturday's run and then that morning's three miler). we looked up map my run for a one mile route at j-bob's request and started out on our way.

mermaid is steady, fluid, determined.

j-bob is sporadic, solid, prone to bursts that leave him tired.

they both warm my heart watching them run. i see long distance in mermaid's future and sprints or shot put in j-man's.

i see a passion and a preference for movement already...and opportunity for life lessons when the run gets hard.

as we are coming up the last hill at the end of our first mile, j-bob is slowing...growing tired. i am shouting encouragement from behind: don't you dare give up, just a little bit more, you've got this, you are so strong, work it son, mommy is so proud of you guys!!!

a white haired man with tan skin and a huge smile peaks his head from around his van as he begins to mow his yard and says: you must be the CRAZY mom on the block. the twinkle in his eye confirmed he appreciated my sentiments.

i replied: oh sir, you don't even know!!??

monday motivation aka voices in my head

this am as my alarm went off at 4:45 am...i reached for my phone to text my running partner...our monday ritual...usually each of us begging off in some form or fashion.

today as i went to text her, i heard a still small voice say, "don't think...just do." i obeyed...as still small voices with such authority usually don't speak to me before my morning coffee (even the voices in my head are scared of talking to me prior to caffeine).

i think my running partner initially wanted to duct tape the voice as she was really counting on my loud snoring voice to win out yet another monday morning! but we were rewarded with a "somewhat breeze", and a balmy 80 degrees, and great fellowship to start our week off to the right start!

moral of the story: don't remind your running partner of dunkin' donuts hazelnut coffee after having encouraged her to purchase a programmable coffee pot if you DON'T want her to have lovely sing-song voices beckoning her to rise on monday mornings.

i must say...we even scared some birds this morning as apparently they like to sleep in on monday mornings, too!

"don't think...just DO!"

most things in life i learned in...marathon training.

so today i had a long run. 12.56 miles to be exact...and when it is 90 degrees out by 6 am...one counts every single tenth of a mile!

last week we had to cut our 10 miler short to 9 because i was struggling so badly. it was an awful run. granted 4.5 were straight uphill...but still...it nearly brought me to tears. one bad run can haunt you...it amazes me how mentally...one awful run can negate all the other good runs.

so today i was very nervous. i hydrated for several days, took some b12 and iron supplements (both deplete with high mileage AND i am following vegan diet), and said some serious prayers.

at 4:30 my coffee pot started brewing dunkin' donuts hazelnut coffee...the smell alone makes me want to get out of bed...not to mention the silk dark chocolate almond milk that dances so smoothly with my insanely delicious coffee. my clothes were all laid out...i even had time to check my email. i couldn't bring myself to eat...iron pill or nerves...not sure...but not eating with a 12 miler on the horizon tends to make me nervous...so i grabbed a lara bar and a banana and headed out the door.

it is funny...the artillery required when training for a marathon...gone are the days of shoes, shorts, and shirt...today i had: hydration belt, extra hand-held water bottle, music, cliff shots, banana, water for afterward, towel for afterward, etc.

anyhow...i realized something today. last week's run...the bad one...i tried to do it all alone. i hung back from my running partners, listened to my music, prayed, suffered, hung back more trying to spare them my horrible negative energy, and suffered more. there are no words for that bad of a run. today...i stuck with my running partners. we prayed together. we carried eachother's burdens...each sharing some concerns, some blessings, some heartache, and some hope. when it got really tough...we prayed together again. today i learned that while God does call us to Him...and we can do it with Him alone...He blesses us with eachother...the body...and there is considerably less suffering when we just reach out and let others reach back...not hide our negative energy rather let those who love us...when we are easy and when we are difficult...help us along.

i see this everyday in the absolute blessings i have been given in my friends. but today...i really got it...it really sunk in.

and to top it all off...upon arriving home...my precious son...ran up and hugged me...wiped the sweat from my shirt off of his cheek...and asked me: how was your run, mom??

sigh...there are no words for that moment of thankfulness...according to the "definitions" he should be incapable of doing that...how blessed am i that he defines himself...not his diagnosis!

with tears in my eyes: awesome darling...awesome! and hey, j-bob, thanks for asking.

I love you, Charlotte Mason!!

Wow!! My second year of home schooling is upon us! I cannot believe how quickly the time has passed. Even more, I cannot believe the vast differences in my life brought about by home schooling. Yesterday public school teacher assignments came in. It was hard for me this year, because most likely Mermaid would have received J-Bob's angel of a teacher from his kindergarten year. Mermaid and I vacillated back and forth over whether she would in fact attend kindergarten this year. I knew she'd have an excellent teacher, and I hated the idea of robbing her from a kindergarten experience. To our surprise, OA put his foot down (see above statement about vast differences!!). In hindsight, I am so thankful. Mermaid isn't being robbed of anything. In fact, she had one of the most amazing early kindergarten experiences last year, and in an effort to not encourage her growing up too quickly, I am going to do a more focused gifted kindergarten again this year (she is so smart that we did a type of K last year just to keep her brain occupied).

Anyhow...all of this to lead up to this...some Charlotte Mason quotes on habit training. THIS ladies and gentlemen is why I home school. These values, ideals are the very reason my life home schooling is so much easier (almost hate to use that word...but let's face it...it is the truth) than my life before!

"The mother who takes pains to endow her children with good habits secures for herself smooth and easy days."

"The habits of the child produce the character of the man."

"Every day, every hour the parents are either passively or actively forming those habits in their children upon which, more than upon anything else, future character or conduct depend."

If you are interested in learning more check out Simply Charlotte Mason. They offer all kinds of free e-books! They just released a new one today!

let the storms roll in...

the mood outside is befitting the mood of my heart...it is an oddly bright morning with rolling thunder and a steady soft rain. it has the makings of a terrible storm, yet it seems promising...as if God is simply crying with me...holding my hand...washing my sadness away with His tender Love.

i had a dream...nightmare...of my childhood/adolescent monster. a monster that will apparently hide forever in my subconscious closet. this dream last night was different...it included my present...my OA...my beloved. it is unexplainable how utterly shocked i was to find the one whom i feel the safest with pitted against the one whom terrified me for so many years. i immediately went into protection mode...i didn't beg my monster to not hurt me...i begged my OA to walk away...not get involved...brush it off...please don't engage him...please don't hurt him...

i was begging OA not to hurt the monster.

somehow...this very small person is tied to such intense fear...that i assumed he could somehow find a way to hurt my OA and take him from me forever.

it's raining harder now.

my eyes are only half filled with tears...they are closed...i am listening to God wash away my fear. i am slowing my breathing...breathing Him in.

a big boom of rolling thunder.

i feel safe. i am in my own home. i am far removed from my monster. my children will never experience that kind of fear. i am so humbled by my life...where i am...what i have...what i have escaped.

still harder the rain comes.

and now the tears.

may my OA never come to rescue me in my dreams again...may i never have to see the two together...ever. may my dreams forever be protected from allowing my children to be brought into my nightmares. dear God...this is my desire...my humble begging request.

thank You for the rain.

i actually feel more sadness for my monster than i do for myself...i can only imagine what nightmares plague a man responsible for so much pain. i hear he is different now. may God rescue him from his regrets...his sins...thank You Lord for taking us ALL just as we are...newly made in You.

let it rain...open the floodgates of heaven...and let it rain.