i couldn't read this book as fast as louder than words...i think i wanted to marinate over each story.
the other day OA and i were trying to find a parking space at the lovely wal-mart. an elderly lady was crossing the crosswalk area with her walker...we had to wait what seemed forever for her to get by...my window was down and she kindly looked up and apologized...my heart squeezed little twinges of pain..."no, take your time," was all i said...as i watched her i wondered: is she lonely...does her family visit...is her husband still alive...why is she all alone? i told OA all the thoughts i had while watching her...he shook his head...i have been accused of over analyzing things too much...but i cannot help it...i struggle with carrying other's pain...my motto: i am a good shoulder to cry with, not on...is very much true.
so, reading these stories...well...yes they offered hope...but they also ripped my heart open...wide open and exposed fears, disappointments, and frustrations that i have energetically buried.
as i experienced today with merminator...a day i am hoping is a result of withdrawal sprinkled with behavior issues...instead of behavior issues sprinkled with withdrawal...i am reminded...it's not easy to be a mother...special needs child or not...motherhood is by far the most demanding, frustrating, humbling, mind-blowing thing i have/will ever do. it's also rewarding but on days like today...i find myself just thankful to have made it through. honestly, i am not a good mom...but i am a humble and thankful mom...humble and thankful sprinkled with a little bit of exhaustion and anger...but that's ok...as long as i don't become an exhausted and angry mom sprinkled with a little bit of humility and thankfulness...
environmental toxins are real...they are scary...and this book has the most amazing chapter about canaries in the mines...they used to use canaries to fly around the mines as theses are so sensitive to dangerous gases...if they died...the coal miners wouldn't go down...if they lived...they knew it was safe. mccarthy illustrates our sensitive spectrum kiddos to these canaries...she believes that they are warning us...trying to show us how to have cleaner lives...i'm listening to my canaries...and thank You God that You have consistently pointed me in the right direction...moms...dads...always follow your instincts...they are the warning flags from Heaven.
3 comments:
i. cannot. wait. to read this book.
i have been putting it off because i know it is going to make my heart explode and well, when you lead a busy life you try your best to plan these "heart explosions" for a time when you can truly FEEL them to the greatest extent and learn from them.
i'm looking forward to some down time when i can snuggle up next to the fireplace and dig right in.
I seem to shy away from any of these books. I know they are wonderful and have great stories but I find myself overwhelmed with the personal stories...like I can't take on anymore than my own three stories. .... I don't have any emotional energy left to spend.... I don't know if that is right or wrong, but I think I do it as a protection to myself. Jenny is great, though, and I support her cause....I have seen her on Oprah...she was great!
I think your children are blessed to have "You" for their mother. You are a very special person.
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