i just read another mom's post...my heart is bleeding with pain for her thoughts, fears, worries, everyday concerns...we take so much for granted...
if you have a child capable of looking you in the eyes, and hugging you, and understanding their needs...
if you know the sound of: i wuv you, mama...
my God...do you need anything else...?
one year ago i realized my son was on the autistic spectrum...i don't know if that's when i stopped breathing...or finally started living...i will forever be thankful for my love of research...i think i have read more books this year than my entire life combined...
is jaden recovered? no.
is he better than he was a year ago? my God, yes.
does he have friends? incredible ones.
does he have a long journey ahead? who doesn't?
will he be ok? i believe!
has he already changed lives? undoubtedly!
do i still have mind-numbing attacks of panic and worry? all the time...but i am learning they are not just over autism...mermaid's behavior had no definition...no biomedical protocol...i guess i am at least thankful for some things 'autism'...actually...many things 'autism'...i celebrate my son's uniqueness...i just want his brain to be unclouded and his body to be healthy.
have i stopped comparing him to others? sigh...that's the hardest part ever...i just have to constantly tell myself...let it go...you wanted an out-of-the-box child...celebrate him...just the way he is today...if he never recovers beyond what he has today...be am thankful for every single step he's worked so hard for...
he's a fighter...my little boy...not so little anymore...double sigh...what does his future hold?
to all of the other mom's out there...hold on...
hold on to the small steps
hold on to your God
hold on to your other children
hold on to your husband
hold on to the friends and family that support you
hold on to the generosity of others
hold on to your hopes, your dreams, your faith
just hold on
don't stop living...your children need a whole mother...don't let autism rob more than your child's mind! this has been the hardest year of my entire life...and when there is nothing more for me to do...i just keep holding on...
My Quivers
6 comments:
Very well said! :) xxoo
Hi, "granolachic" -
Just happened on your blog tonight and wanted to say how much I love, relate to and am touched by your posts. I have a 7yo son with autism and a 4yo who is likely on the spectrum as well. I'm attempting the homeschooling thing and though I think it's the best choice for us right now, it's certainly been a challenge. I struggle with worries, fear, anxiety, depression (ruminating over the past, or thinking about the future)... but like you say, it's important to constantly remind ourselves of all our blessings too. Despite the disappointments and struggles, I know we have so very much to be thankful for. Having a child with autism, our whole perspective on life changes. We do celebrate all the tiny (in "regular" world standards) little accomplishments that to us are really major triumphs!
We've been doing the GFCF diet for a couple years (to which I attribute my son regaining functional speech after regressing and becoming completely echolailic at 2.5), but recently we redid the IgG test for food allergies and found out that soy, peanuts, eggs, peas, corn and rice are also foods we must now avoid. ((sigh!!!!!)) I'm feeling really overwhelmed by the prospect of coming up with some meal ideas that don't have any offending allergens, but taste good enough that they'll actually eat it! That's how I hit on your blog, by the way. Your title is great.... "So what CAN he eat??" I'm wondering that myself right now. I'll continue to look around on the internet for ideas.
Thanks again for being so open in sharing your thoughts and feelings (so beautifully!) in your blog. Though cyberspace lacks the warmth of a physical connection, it definitely helps to know we're not alone in our struggles.
Your children are absolutely beautiful, by the way. Gorgeous pictures that really capture their personalities.... you're a talented photographer as well as a gifted writer!
Best of luck & many blessings to you in all endeavors! Take care....
"one year ago i realized my son was on the autistic spectrum...i don't know if that's when i stopped breathing...or finally started living...i will forever be thankful for my love of research...i think i have read more books this year than my entire life combined..."
i hear you mama.
i feel the same way.
hugs and more hugs from a kindred spirit.
i am pretty sure it was when i started living.
your posts help me so much.
thanks.
Right there with you, I have to try to remember these things everyday. Your kids are lucky to have such an insiteful Mom!
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What a great post, thanks for sharing.
Heather, you are a fabulous mom and have a wonderful son. I have enjoyed getting to know him. From an insider looking out, you would never know that he battled, was blessed with, deals with, whatever... autism. And from a mom who's daughter is in the same boat, that is awesome. Relationships will probably always be different and harder, but our children have come so far and taught so many people so much! God knows what he is doing when he gives certain children to certain people. I am a firm believer in that. Also they are beautiful! How can we not find patience, understanding and strength when we look into their little faces! Keep up the rockstar work!
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