is that static electricity or...

is my hair standing straight up on my head from me trying to pull it out!!??

aye-aye-aye

what a day...i'm pretty sure i am simply feeling sorry for myself...i ran TWELVE miles yesterday...it was...well...i can't lie...the hardest darn thing i have ever done physically.

and thank goodness i have girl friends...bc men are pretty much useless at celebrating personal bests that aren't their own...after a few hours of feeling bitter about that...i realized that they simply aren't genetically wired for such over-the-top affirmation...hence God's gift in girl friends!

and it also just so happens that my OA is quite exhausted from his recent work load/schedule. he is an amazingly hard worker...he never believes me...but sometimes i am a tad jealous that he gets to head off to work. this is the "slowest" my life has ever been...i'm only taking one on-line class this semester...i substitute at merm's pre-school...i cook...and i clean...and life is actually starting to get into a rhythm...my kiddos are thriving...sigh...and i should be soooooo happy.

i am so social...so used to craziness...this "routine" is almost stifling me....it's (routine) what i have been craving for years...or my whole life...and i finally get it...and yet it's all i can do to not run out and get a job...volunteer...take more classes...but then i look at my extremely happy kiddos' faces...they are thriving on the lesser chaos...the always having mommy around...the knowing what to expect at every turn...smaller-sigh...

my problem is nothing more than...i have earned money since i was 14...i'm pretty sure that i had two jobs at any given time throughout high school...i (wrongly) take offense to every stressful moment OA has over our tight budget...i feel like i am not doing enough...if only i could get paid to raise my children...sighsighsighsigh...

oh well...soon enough...i will look back on these years...as i already think it about their babyhood...and thank God and my husband for allowing me to have these amazing moments together with my (sometimes rude, stubborn, thankless...amazing, loving, precious) little children...drink these moments in granola...chip spilling...dog yelling...hair pulling and all!!