They that wait...

...shall go insane?

...shall grow impatient and take the "bull by the horns"

...shall fill their time with other distractions in an effort to make time pass more quickly

...shall renew their strength????

Really, waiting is supposed to be renewing?  What's the catch??

The other day the OA and I gathered up our sweet kiddos and our stack of DHS paperwork on his very first day off in many and very last day off for seven after...a now or never kind of mentality pushing us out the door.  I offered to continue to wait (they only do finger printing one day a week from 8am to noon) but his schedule has taken an off-road-crazy-kinda-turn and he felt if we waited again, it may never happen.

We went to two wrong places before locating the right place (County jail #2...yowza...note to self...don't bring kids with you to get your FP's taken) and then we didn't have exact change and subsequently had to go up the road to a gas station which (of course) we passed and had to turn around...feeling my pain yet?

Exhausted, angry, and completely void of all "warm & fuzzies" one would envision that a day of humbly following God's plan should provide (HA!), I looked at my Hero and said:  it sure is a lot more fun MAKING a baby than it is trying to foster or adopt one.

He only half chuckled...this was the third time we'd gotten into the truck already...and was not even close to being the last.

OA went in first.  I sat in the County jail's waiting room with my children and watched jaw-on-lap-eyes-wide-open as a man scraped an almost empty (yeah the glass was NOT half full that day) jar of peanut butter with a FORK????  His baby watched his father with the same expression as I.  Of course J-bob is allergic to peanuts and I didn't want the man to think me rude, but all I could think of was as many ways to put as much room in between my son and that man.  He finally put the jar away and I was able to relax enough to see him as a human.  I wondered who he was waiting for; I think it was the baby's Mom who was being released from jail.

After half an hour, the OA comes out and it's my turn to go back.  I couldn't take my cell phone.  I had to wait for what felt like FOREVER with absolutely nothing to do.  It's been 7 weeks since my last run (stress fracture and that's an important aside as any who know me well enough understands what running does for my mental well-being) and my "dream" of finally beginning the adoption process was being shattered by wrong turns, wrong change, fork-eaten-peanut-butter, and murmured discussion by the jail officers detailing the rape of an 87 year old woman.  I wanted to run on my broken foot through the shatter-proof windowed security locked doors and scream:  NEVER MIND...this isn't worth it.  It's already too painful.  I want my now-happy world where my worst fears for my children are food allergies, autism, and staying away from bullies on the playground.  I simply cannot do THIS.  So I prayed and confessed and waited some more.

Finally, I was escorted through more doors.  I had to walk on a certain side of a red line.  It was cold, bare, and eerily silent save the rape conversation still pulsing through my mind.  My officer was extremely serious and didn't even make eye contact.  After a few minutes, I managed to make her laugh.  I know she loves Coke and has a 15 month old.  I love watching someone go through the motions of their job and then the surprise on their face as I inevitably say something that disarms them...if even just for the moment.  A friend of mine calls it my "gift".   I think it's more of a curse...my constant weirdness spilling onto those around me allowing them to feel quite-comfortable as themselves knowing full well they are not as odd as I.  Either way, it's fun touching a life.  It makes that one eternal moment of waiting worth it when I finally get to connect again.  I'm so glad our God is a personal God.

It took us over an hour just to get our fingerprints made...a ten minute process at best.  We left there and got our paperwork notarized.  It all still sits on my counter...another day just to find an appropriate envelope and now two more has passed while I try to remember to copy the BACK of my husband's driver's license.  More waiting.

All of my urgency...my need to get things done...it's waiting, too.  My personality's biggest flaw (well, one of many) is rushing.  I realized about the time my children reached "childhood" stage that I desperately need to slow things down...breathe them in...because as soon as I exhale...it will all be passed.  I am learning the value of TODAY.  I don't want to miss out on a second of what is in front of me TODAY, who He wants me to love TODAY, what He wants me to learn TODAY...not one single bit.

There's a bit more to this story of waiting...some big decisions that have been made that I will share later...in the mean time...I must rest in the promise that "they who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength".  If I  only allow it to be so.

Isaiah 40:31

King James Version (KJV)

³¹ But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.