stop my beating heart

so today has been a whirl wind of emotions. bottom line: i hate money. money hates me. my son wants to get married to his cousin.

as i was driving and totally lost in thought i heard from the back seat:

mermaid: mama...j-bob just KISSED e-mo on the LIPS

(his precious sweaty face popped up between the front car seats wide-eyed-smiling)

j-bob: don't get me in trouble mama ((translation...don't be mad at me))

me: wait...what just happened? j...you kissed her on the lips...on purpose? like...you asked her to kiss you...you know we only kiss our friends and family on the cheek...right? were you kissing her like you would mermaid or me? because...you really should probably only kiss us on the cheek now, too ((translation...your sweet innocence could be misinterpreted by strangers))

j-bob: i was kissing her because i love her...like my sister...except...i love her like i wanna marry her

me: ((WHERE DID THIS COME FROM)) ((STUPID BARBIE MOVIES)) ((SHE BETTER SAY YES OR I'LL KICK HER OUT OF MY CAR)) ((WHY CAN'T HE STOP GROWING UP)) well...honey...let's just keep our kisses on the cheek from now on, ok?

mermaid: well, she can't marry you bc she is already gonna marry some other boy from school

e-mo: well, he said i had to be cat-woman or he wouldn't marry me and i don't like cat woman...i like super girl...i'll never be cat-woman...so maybe i won't marry him after all

me: ((ummm...did i time warp...these children are still 5, 5, and 7...right????))

j-bob: well...(undeniably most adorable and thoughtful grin spreading across his face)...i'll never ask you to be cat-woman...all i want you to be is a mom.

mermaid: well...j-bob...you cannot marry me OR e-mo...right, mom?

me: (looking in rear-view mirror at his sad face) well, technically not you because you are his sister...but...TECHNICALLY...yes...e-mo...because you guys are cousin by law...not blood...and the law is mostly concerned with blood...omg...why are we discussing this...you guys have at least 20 years of praying...and i promise...maybe then...you'll know who you are supposed to marry if you marry at all.

kids continue to discuss how super girl is so much better than cat-woman...and the boy from school is just plain wrong.

i return to my thoughts except this time instead of being irrepressibly stressed about money...i am lingering on the deep desire in my son's heart already. as long as i can remember j-bob has responded to the life-long question of "what do you want to be when you grow up" with: a dad. well...now this sweet sweet child not only wants to be a dad...he wants to MARRY a MOM. sigh. he wants a family. that's his dream. it warms my heart. so very few people prioritize that, especially as boys or men. his future wife...whomever she is...i think will be one of the most immensely blessed women. of course, i am partial. and proud. not pridefully proud...rather...hurt-my-heart-the-good-way-thankful-to-God-pride.

so...life...keep throwing your crap...keep trying to make me doubt my calling...to be a stay-at-home-home-schooling-mom. God likes the financial odds of living as a one-income family in today's world: impossible. i prefer those odds, too...because it's one of the few times i step out of the way realizing that other than being faithful with what's given...there's very little else that i can do.

i listen to the sweet girls playing dolls...and my sweet boy playing his DS...he's already over the whole marriage thing...back to girls being weird because they play "gurl stuff". back to me being the love of his precious little heart. i don't know how i'm gonna take it...the day some lucky girl walks away with my boy's heart in her hands...sigh. until then.