can i just say...barely audible...i am soo sore!!!! so very sore...it hurts to...breathe! who knew a 20 sec plank...no that was not a typo...i said second...not minute!!
today started off nicely with a hemp smoothie...can i just say...i don't care how granola you are...it takes a bit of...tweaking...to like hemp milk...but when a sistah can't have soy...
which leads me to my next confession...i had a soy latte...i had been 2 and 1/2 days coffee free...yesterday was a killer in the fake energy level...but the burning of my skin to the point of near tears...a lesson in why i have to give up soy...altogether...sigh.
i hate to confess that i...the very bad derailed vegan...ate 3 of those mini burgers from burger king...YIKES...i am embarrassed to say it...we are regulars at BK...talk about confessions...they are the only fast food that has gfcf french fries and burger patties...and it's the granola mama treat when i am feeling like being a bad granola mama...(and sometimes...when i am really feeling rebellious...i throw away paper and plastic...shhhhh...you'll only hear that once!)
ok...so for tonight's dinner...the kiddos are having sweet potato french fries and mermaid will also have slice of turkey...i...i am not even sort of hungry...my skin burns...my head hurts...and i feel like cow carcass...i guess i am what i eat...but is BK really qualified as cow meat? so lots of water...and OA is away thumping up the perfect watermelon (and i am telling on him...he bought himself a frozen pizza and candy!! that man is some kinda addicted to chemicals...i think he is rebelling his wife)!
as for exercise...AYE AYE AYE...we are going to do push ups, plank, and general ab stuff...that should be fun...seeing as it hurts to pee or tie my shoes!!!
tomorrow...i plan to get my run in! wish me luck!!
My Quivers
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
day 2 of fat reduction
ok...i must confess something from yesterday's blog post...as i was falling asleep the horrible images of incredibly delish coconut ice cream came a dancin' in my head...so add that to the "snack" area of yesterday's eatings.
today...i started my morning off by making pancakes (on the same griddle nanny gave the OA and i for our wedding!!), getting a roast/potatoes/carrots in the crock pot, making j-bob's last lunch of the year (for school anyhow), getting j-man ready and off to school, throwing on non-bum-eating shorts and going for a quick 3 miler in the horrid humidity to honor national running day.
sheesh...that was all before 9 am. then i had to run said last lunch by the school as the j-meister forgot it at home...and off to substitute at my daughter's rocking montessori preschool...which she could not go-with as she was still running fever...
home by 1:30...just in time for OA to pass the baton of child-rearing off to me...which included j-bob's friend who is staying for a sleepover! the first sleepover of our career...i am not sure who is having more fun: mermaid or j-bob!? i have never heard so much laughter!! i am sitting in amazement...from the sheer bliss of his interaction (the friend is actually demanding for HIM to play a video game while j wants to play...!!??), his fantastic report card to include a high level reading status, and the incredible vast amount of ground that has been covered by my entire family this very year.
six months ago...i would've predicted that OA and i would have never made it this far...and if we did...we would never be happy...but it is totally incredible when you step outside yourself and allow God to take over...it has been a rough yet rewarding year. i wonder what the summer holds...?
as for fat reduction: 3 mile run...few bites of j's sugar-bread pancake, smoothie, 2 tiny gfcf cookies, apple and pb, and chuck roast/pots/carrots that would make a cow slap a vegetarian it was so good!! i have to admit...for about 30 mins...i was happy my body required that i eat meat again...i am quite sure this cow was happy to give her life...well...i can't go that far...it causes me to tear up and have anxiety over cow-death...geez...i had to go there...now i have the after-taste of carcass and fear in my throat...
my body is extremely sore!! extremely!! and during my run i decided...the problem with my weight-non-loss issues is that it's always been about the number on the scale...i'm over that...today...i just want to feel good...about the bum, the thigh-rubbing aunties (anne lamott...so have to read her books!), and my upper bum (2nd set of cheeks)...and lower bum (3rd set of cheeks)...today...i dreamed of making fergie jealous...HAHA...hey every granola has her dreams...mine include organic garden, endless access to flowers for my yard, recovery of all ASD, and a body like fergies...i mean...do you expect me to be deep all the time??
today...i started my morning off by making pancakes (on the same griddle nanny gave the OA and i for our wedding!!), getting a roast/potatoes/carrots in the crock pot, making j-bob's last lunch of the year (for school anyhow), getting j-man ready and off to school, throwing on non-bum-eating shorts and going for a quick 3 miler in the horrid humidity to honor national running day.
sheesh...that was all before 9 am. then i had to run said last lunch by the school as the j-meister forgot it at home...and off to substitute at my daughter's rocking montessori preschool...which she could not go-with as she was still running fever...
home by 1:30...just in time for OA to pass the baton of child-rearing off to me...which included j-bob's friend who is staying for a sleepover! the first sleepover of our career...i am not sure who is having more fun: mermaid or j-bob!? i have never heard so much laughter!! i am sitting in amazement...from the sheer bliss of his interaction (the friend is actually demanding for HIM to play a video game while j wants to play...!!??), his fantastic report card to include a high level reading status, and the incredible vast amount of ground that has been covered by my entire family this very year.
six months ago...i would've predicted that OA and i would have never made it this far...and if we did...we would never be happy...but it is totally incredible when you step outside yourself and allow God to take over...it has been a rough yet rewarding year. i wonder what the summer holds...?
as for fat reduction: 3 mile run...few bites of j's sugar-bread pancake, smoothie, 2 tiny gfcf cookies, apple and pb, and chuck roast/pots/carrots that would make a cow slap a vegetarian it was so good!! i have to admit...for about 30 mins...i was happy my body required that i eat meat again...i am quite sure this cow was happy to give her life...well...i can't go that far...it causes me to tear up and have anxiety over cow-death...geez...i had to go there...now i have the after-taste of carcass and fear in my throat...
my body is extremely sore!! extremely!! and during my run i decided...the problem with my weight-non-loss issues is that it's always been about the number on the scale...i'm over that...today...i just want to feel good...about the bum, the thigh-rubbing aunties (anne lamott...so have to read her books!), and my upper bum (2nd set of cheeks)...and lower bum (3rd set of cheeks)...today...i dreamed of making fergie jealous...HAHA...hey every granola has her dreams...mine include organic garden, endless access to flowers for my yard, recovery of all ASD, and a body like fergies...i mean...do you expect me to be deep all the time??
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
day 1 of fat reduction
so tonight i decided (after my thighs rubbed against themselves in the heat) that enough is enough!!
i have been going at this health business backwards...only doing one part of the equation at a time...again...enough is enough...it is time that i:
a) stick to gfcfsf with my kiddos
b) include resistance training
c) run regularly
d) stop cheating every other day!
SO...today after catching myself five different times popping j-bob's stripey chips aka ruffles into my mouth...i made myself a smoothie...ate leftover homemade curry rice (that ROCKED, might i add)...and made a semi-vegan lasagna. not sure of the snacks...will make more mental notes of that tomorrow...i am way behind in my water consumption...i have to be honest...this time of year lends itself to gf beer and margaritas and after spending days upon summer days with the kiddos...it's tempting to start partaking around noon!!
BUT...not this granola...this summer i am taking my body back from years of abuse. it is time for me to get healthy and STAY healthy...i am sick every single month...it's pathetic...and it is all about my diet (eating offending foods)...i know this bc j-bob used to be sick all of the time and is rarely sick 2 years into his diet!! mermaid and i have alot of ground to catch up on...
i tried to go for a run, but my shorts apparently were not intended for running...too short and my bum kept trying to eat them...so i humbly walked home about 4 blocks from where i started...BUT...OA and i did some resistance training which is what i would like to start doing every tues and thurs. we did: squats, lunges, push-ups, crunches, and some other crazy leg-tummy thing. we finished strong with a 20 sec plank...OH HOW PATHETIC...but we have to start somewhere, right?!
i am hoping that in 6 weeks i will see results and my plank will be at least one min!! oh, also that the next time my bum decides it's hungry and wants to eat my shorts...i won't be so humiliated by the "cheekiness" of it all...and continue running...shaking my bum eating loving shorts the entire time!!
now off for the second glass of water for the day...aye aye aye!
i have been going at this health business backwards...only doing one part of the equation at a time...again...enough is enough...it is time that i:
a) stick to gfcfsf with my kiddos
b) include resistance training
c) run regularly
d) stop cheating every other day!
SO...today after catching myself five different times popping j-bob's stripey chips aka ruffles into my mouth...i made myself a smoothie...ate leftover homemade curry rice (that ROCKED, might i add)...and made a semi-vegan lasagna. not sure of the snacks...will make more mental notes of that tomorrow...i am way behind in my water consumption...i have to be honest...this time of year lends itself to gf beer and margaritas and after spending days upon summer days with the kiddos...it's tempting to start partaking around noon!!
BUT...not this granola...this summer i am taking my body back from years of abuse. it is time for me to get healthy and STAY healthy...i am sick every single month...it's pathetic...and it is all about my diet (eating offending foods)...i know this bc j-bob used to be sick all of the time and is rarely sick 2 years into his diet!! mermaid and i have alot of ground to catch up on...
i tried to go for a run, but my shorts apparently were not intended for running...too short and my bum kept trying to eat them...so i humbly walked home about 4 blocks from where i started...BUT...OA and i did some resistance training which is what i would like to start doing every tues and thurs. we did: squats, lunges, push-ups, crunches, and some other crazy leg-tummy thing. we finished strong with a 20 sec plank...OH HOW PATHETIC...but we have to start somewhere, right?!
i am hoping that in 6 weeks i will see results and my plank will be at least one min!! oh, also that the next time my bum decides it's hungry and wants to eat my shorts...i won't be so humiliated by the "cheekiness" of it all...and continue running...shaking my bum eating loving shorts the entire time!!
now off for the second glass of water for the day...aye aye aye!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
my baby isn't a baby anymore
it is official...j-bob graduated kindergarten today...and he was FANTASTIC!
during the a video presentation he was asked:
what do you want to be when you grow up?
his response:
when i grow up...i wanna be a DAD!
he has far exceeded my expectations for this year...
where have the last five years gone?
i told OA today...j-bob is my first of everything...
mermaid is my last of everything...
childhood is fleeting and in so many other parts of the world...unheard of...
cherish it!
celebrate it!
during the a video presentation he was asked:
what do you want to be when you grow up?
his response:
when i grow up...i wanna be a DAD!
he has far exceeded my expectations for this year...
where have the last five years gone?
i told OA today...j-bob is my first of everything...
mermaid is my last of everything...
childhood is fleeting and in so many other parts of the world...unheard of...
cherish it!
celebrate it!
Monday, May 18, 2009
painful memories
so my brother texted me the other night...he was having a dark day...which is unusual for him...
i, too, have been struggling the last few days...i am wondering if something monumentally yuck happened around this time of year when we were younger? eerily, there are definite triggers lurking around begging for the opportunity to smash down nicely built walls around the heart.
last night, i sat down with big tears chasing each other down my cheeks...i began to literally pour my feelings out to my husband. ironically in my house, when i get quiet...OA instantly knows something is bothering me...when i get distant...he never pushes (he did in the beginning...but has learned over time...that doesn't work)...he gives ample space...just sits quietly beside me...however many days it may take...and then when i am ready...i finally spill all of my haunting thoughts...the funny part is that i don't realize that i am being so quiet...so cynical...so distant...i don't realize how trapped i am in my mind...how i am drowning myself with memories...until that moment...usually with the help of a glass of wine...almost always sitting in the bath tub...as the hot water burns me back into reality...tears and sweat sting my face...the steam cleanses my thoughts...it all rushes out...emotions...memories...fears...hopes...
my confession last night: i am terrified of being happy. i am terrified of believing in Love. my life seems too good. i am too blessed. i don't deserve any of this. i am just waiting for God to rip someone i Love away from me.
in God's defense...i know in my heart He does not operate this way...it is my mind...the great tormentor of my life...that i am constantly battling negative thoughts back into submission.
and then there is my husband...never failing...never flinching...the calm in my storm...my strong emotions have not once made him blink...he is...the strongest man i know...and as terrified as i am to admit...the absolute love of my life...and the most astounding part is that it is such a quiet yet solid love...a love that is whispered daily into my life...a love that when i am not listening for properly...i fail to hear...solid, unwavering, soft, and strong.
for so many years i have mistaken the face of love...God whispers His Love...too many times it is unheard...my husband...my blessing in disguise...how eternally thankful i am for your undying faithfulness...may the roar of my Love and the whisper of your Love...cling tightly to the promises of His Love...
i, too, have been struggling the last few days...i am wondering if something monumentally yuck happened around this time of year when we were younger? eerily, there are definite triggers lurking around begging for the opportunity to smash down nicely built walls around the heart.
last night, i sat down with big tears chasing each other down my cheeks...i began to literally pour my feelings out to my husband. ironically in my house, when i get quiet...OA instantly knows something is bothering me...when i get distant...he never pushes (he did in the beginning...but has learned over time...that doesn't work)...he gives ample space...just sits quietly beside me...however many days it may take...and then when i am ready...i finally spill all of my haunting thoughts...the funny part is that i don't realize that i am being so quiet...so cynical...so distant...i don't realize how trapped i am in my mind...how i am drowning myself with memories...until that moment...usually with the help of a glass of wine...almost always sitting in the bath tub...as the hot water burns me back into reality...tears and sweat sting my face...the steam cleanses my thoughts...it all rushes out...emotions...memories...fears...hopes...
my confession last night: i am terrified of being happy. i am terrified of believing in Love. my life seems too good. i am too blessed. i don't deserve any of this. i am just waiting for God to rip someone i Love away from me.
in God's defense...i know in my heart He does not operate this way...it is my mind...the great tormentor of my life...that i am constantly battling negative thoughts back into submission.
and then there is my husband...never failing...never flinching...the calm in my storm...my strong emotions have not once made him blink...he is...the strongest man i know...and as terrified as i am to admit...the absolute love of my life...and the most astounding part is that it is such a quiet yet solid love...a love that is whispered daily into my life...a love that when i am not listening for properly...i fail to hear...solid, unwavering, soft, and strong.
for so many years i have mistaken the face of love...God whispers His Love...too many times it is unheard...my husband...my blessing in disguise...how eternally thankful i am for your undying faithfulness...may the roar of my Love and the whisper of your Love...cling tightly to the promises of His Love...
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