i am spewing negative energy...pretty sure this is more of a detox reaction to not having my sugar-filled-casein-loving-latte(s)...i will be making a coconut milk latte at home in the am...or just taking a shot of espresso black...as my headache is to die for. also, my entire body aches...again...i am thinking detox issues...or the fact that we were in the ER monday with mermaid due to her extremely high fever, thought i saw a little seizure, and she woke up crying that she couldn't breathe...sigh...
i can only say...she's been extremely sick...i am convinced more than ever that she should have been on this diet for as long as j-bob has been...i am starting an entire year late...
since beginning the diet (ok...we started...slipped up due to sickness...might i add...the itchy bootie and horrible behavior reappeared when we derailed...no cheating started today) she's most definitely starting to talk alot more...some thoughts here...some thoughts there...her thoughts are great...and they always take me by surprise as i am so used to her being silent. i believe that if you have a child who CAN talk but WONT...there needs to be some investigation...and when our children DO talk...we need to slow our busy lives down a bit and LISTEN. listen because there are plenty of parent's desperately pleading before God to hear their child's voice, listen because we never ever get these precious days back, listen because we never know when it may be the last time we get to hear, and listen because what they are telling us just may save their life.
i love my children...to a fault, i think. i am learning after nearly nine years of marriage...love looks so differently than i'd imagined...my daughter's dark eyes full of sick girl tears staring intently at me as i deep sigh and mumble about how exhausted i am...yet her gaze never ever waivers...even when i suck...she still loves me...doesn't even question...
i so need some time with my Lord...i could grasp so much more beauty from this life of mine if my heart was where it should be...sigh...lonely...exhausted...sigh.
okok...this is not a great advertisement for going gfcf...but bear with me...our DAN! says it always gets worse before it gets better...i kind of view it as punishment for abusing my body for 31 years...i bet in one week...i'll be singing love poems about the OA when i wake up...ummm...well...we shall see...God did make the mornings...i should love and appreciate them...maybe if just once...i could get a FULL night's sleep...aaaaaa...imagine.
3 comments:
Hope everyone is detoxed and feeling great very soon!
you are amazing!
i'm right there with you mama. know that you're not alone.
daily in prayer for your family...i'm thinking i might need to try this diet...thanks for your information and inspiration...even on 'negative energy' days. in His grip~
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