Say something....

Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'll be the one, if you want me to
Anywhere, I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you

This song is being over-played on the radio.  And I have a pre-teen and a teenager so the radio is a MUST in our car.  I get it.  I believe in self-discovery through music.  And by all means---judge me now---because I am not a "Christian-music-only" kinda mom...or person...so...yeah...we have heard this song several times a day lately.  If I am being honest, it's on my running playlist.  And when I am singing it, I am singing it to God.

 

And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all

And I will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl

Say something, I'm giving up on you

Initially, I had guilt issues over seeing God's face every-time I heard this song, until I realized that He gets it.  And I was created to feel small, right?  Be humbled in His presence?  And I really am, after 37 years of living, just learning how to love.  And it hurts.  Which was my initial take on "love" that caused all my past pushing aways.  But now?  Now, I am clinging...clinging for dear Life...and the Life isn't mine.  It's a toddler's.

I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
Anywhere, I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you

At this point in the song my heart sings to her, because I have tried everything.  And I know she may never, ever understand that it was never my choice to leave her...rather...a court order that will force her out of my home.  A system that removed her to begin with in an effort to "protect her".  My husband tells me to think of where she'd be had she never had me?  I nod in agreement with him (and every other person who tries to comfort me with those words) but in my head I am simmering, ready to explode...where would she be?  She'd still be numb.  Un-attached.  Un-fractured.  She used to sleep through the night until her initial removal and several weeks of learning to live in a world that her needs would be met...even in the middle of the night.  But now?  She's found her voice.  She's learned to use it.  She just started sleeping through the night at my house about a week ago---15 months later.   

And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye

Say something, I'm giving up on you

She's not sleeping at her parent's house.  Maybe she's testing the newly-found-life-changing-claims-of-responsibility-waters?  I pray no one drowns in the rip tide that inevitably follows a selfish parent's momentary lapse into the real world of actually raising his/her child.  At least, that's my experience.  It never lasts.  The wave of hope is usually so big, so powerful that when it crashes upon the surface of real life the energy needed to push past the land has been spent and all that is left for the little feet waiting at the edge is a bubbling froth of good intentions...until the next wave comes.

 
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
And anywhere, I would have followed you
Oh-oh-oh-oh say something, I'm giving up on you

Say something, I'm giving up on you
Say something

I need to hear from Him.  I need reassurance that all will be well.  I am trying to fill my mind with His reminders.  I tried pushing Him away and that didn't work.  I wish I could give up.  I think it would actually be easier than holding onto my very damp, shivering Faith.  

Songwriters

AXEL, IAN / VACCARINO, CHAD / CAMPBELL, MIKE

Published by
Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC