Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged,
for the LORD you God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
I love that when he went to spy out the Israelites' new land, he and Caleb were the ONLY two not terrified of the "giants" and tried to convince the others to not be afraid and to trust in their LORD--- the very LORD who parted the Red Sea and did so many other great miracles for them on a near daily basis. It comes as no surprise me that he was the one God chose to have the Israelites walk around the whole city of Jericho 13 times.
Last night we visited what I hope will be our new church family (we have been searching for such for 7 years). With upcoming adoption of not one, but two children and not babies, but a teenager and a child in between my bio-children's ages, I have never been more certain in all my life that we need a like-minded body of believers to run to for accountability, edification, and prayer through this next season. Just preparing these last few months with all the paperwork upon paperwork upon paperwork and readying our home (a major overhaul...I will have to post some before, during, after shots) for the what-seems-will-never-come-home-study (the watched pot never boils, right?) has brought me to worn-down places that only my children's toddler hoods and Autism have ever brought me...which...seems fitting because aren't the rough parts of pregnancy foreshadowing of the never-dreamed-of rough parts of parenthood that no amount of love, patience, books, and advice can prepare?
CHURCH...oh yeah...the guest speaker spoke of the destruction of Jericho and brought up MANY great points but the part that resonated with my soul and caused those rebellious tears to fall was his point on how if the Israelites would have thought, "we've done this for x amount of days now or x amount of circles now and nothing has happened...I'm not doing it anymore," then the walls (bc God gave them SPECIFIC instructions) would NOT have fallen down. Let that sit with you for a moment. When we disobey or give up after He has clearly given us an instruction...walls don't fall. God can use someone (or something) else, clearly, but I don't ever want to miss out on what He has for those given walls on that given day.
I feel like I am marching around a city with my husband and two biological children that holds one room with my two heart children hidden inside. A city that is about to be destroyed. I'm sure the Israelites were focused on God's decree and that Jericho was their promised land, but they, at least some, had to also be focused on the promise they had made to Rahab about not harming anyone in her home lest their blood be on God's chosen people. I am clinging to the time after time after time of God's incredible undeserved Grace being revealed in His word and through His promises. I am quite sure had I been marching around that city, I'd have been chanting in my mind: You parted the Red Sea; You can bring these walls down...You parted the Red Sea; You can bring these walls down, You parted...over and over and over again...just as I am today: You parted the Red Sea;You can bring my children to me faster than our broken state's department system allows...You parted the Red Sea; You can bring my children to me faster than stacked paperwork or misplaced finger prints, or unhappy, unsaved.....one gets the idea.
So I try my best to not watch the pot. And despite the fact that I feel an overwhelming sense of urgency to have these two children whose lives have already been knitted into our own, in my arms and under my protective care, I am continue to march on and constantly surrender the need to know what the next step will bring and chanting my mantra to Him..over and over and over.
All of this has painted such a beautiful picture of His adoption of us in my mind. These children have no idea we exist. They have no idea how hard we are already fighting for them on our knees and with our patience, our endurance, and our love for those who are proving difficult to love...people (and a system) they have had to be subjected to most of their lives. They have no idea the hours I have spent researching different avenues for their future and how much sleep we've lost readying this home for their arrival...an arrival we anticipate with such tender joy and excitement. An arrival they may fight, fear, or try to flee. Oh how I do this to our Lord and Saviour. He prepared the way before me (all of us)...before I ever even existed. Why did it take so long for me to accept (not fear) His love? How can I question a Love so Pure, so Sacrificial?
May every time my children seek to reject me despite all I have and will always do for them be a gentle reminder of all the ways I have rejected Him despite all He has and will always do for me. May it give me a Grace that is reflective of all the Grace I have been given. May I continue to lay down my life and my needs (especially for control) in an act of blood-stained-sacrifice that pales in comparison to His blood-stained-sacrifice for me...for all of us.
May I always be strong and courageous, be not afraid, and not become discouraged. May I always focus my heart firmly on the promise that LORD my God will be with me wherever I go and may that be all the control I ever need to have til the day I stand (rather fall on my face) before Him.
