Well...this is some homework given by an amazing friend/sister when I was having a rather down day and a bit sick of all life's trials:
Find 5 things to thank God for that i wouldn't normally experience if it weren't for where i am right now...i chose autism.
1. Without autism...I would have most likely never discovered my incredible passion for running...which has revealed a strength and fortitude I did not realize I possessed.
2. Without autism...I would have never fully understood the power of food and chemicals to the human body.
3. Thanks to autism I see people differently...I use sensory goggles...I try to never take for granted those who struggle with social awkwardness.
4. Thanks to autism...I have learned to give up MY plans...learned to (mostly) rest in today's beauty...today's blessings...today's trials. I have learned to trust in a God who loves my child even more than I...and will always be with him...even when I cannot.
5. Autism has brought me into another world...a world of incredible children who have captured my heart...a world of like-minded moms fighting for the same thing...the life and mind of our babies...our boys and girls...our future men and women...moms who have turned out to be the most incredible friends that I could ever ask for. A world in which my non-conforming soul can soar...as my children are so out-side-the-box...it almost hurts...but in a mostly good way. A world that has brought my husband and I closer to each other than we ever dreamed.
Big sigh...I am feeling thankful. It has been a week's time since my emotional breakdown...what I needed most was to crawl in my Father's lap...and by His grace and mercy...He provided just such opportunity. May you all find joys in your trials...I cannot remember who I was before the diagnosis...and wouldn't trade places with her for all the money in the world.
Just for over achievement....
6. I am most thankful for the amazing-precious-most-innocent-minded-young-man who has captivated me with his life from day one...may I continue to learn love, sincerity, and joy from my sweet sweet son.
My Quivers
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
summer goals
In no particular order and this is so much more for me than anyone else (I have started this list seven different times on various scrap pieces of paper) I am posting my summer goals.
And as a side note, OA has given me 30 days of being GFCF. He is one week into it and ALREADY seeing positive results; most noticeably the little tiny bumps on his arm are disappearing. I cannot wait for the end of the month to do the challenge test. I am actually worried that his reaction might be quite severe.
I have had to add meat back into my diet...actually...I don't HAVE to do anything BUT...for the first time in seven years my entire family is eating the same way. Last night I had so much fun cooking one big dinner...gone are the days of separate meals. I have the rest of my life to be a vegan...for now...I am simply enjoying the fellowship of sharing a like-plated meal with my darling little family.
- Table manners
- Kids in the kitchen-kids help me prepare dinner every night
- daily exercise as a family
- family movie night
- one craft activity every afternoon with kiddos
- create a boredom busters jar
- continue with one hour of "school" each day
- tend to garden...learn to can!!
- J-Bob's food goals (eat seven new foods regularly by the end of summer)
- kids sleeping in their own beds through the night (yes they are seven and five...besides beyond picky eating this has been autism's biggest weapon against our family)
- stop using paper towels (use cloth napkins for hands and old rags and unmatched socks for cleaning)
- start making my own cleaning agents
- regularly scheduling date/prayer night with OA (weekly)
- post pictures of my creations before summer is OVER...hahaha...yeah right...no really...I want to show off...I must do this!
- finish kiddo's school planning for next year
- begin marathon training (build up to 30 miles a week)
And as a side note, OA has given me 30 days of being GFCF. He is one week into it and ALREADY seeing positive results; most noticeably the little tiny bumps on his arm are disappearing. I cannot wait for the end of the month to do the challenge test. I am actually worried that his reaction might be quite severe.
I have had to add meat back into my diet...actually...I don't HAVE to do anything BUT...for the first time in seven years my entire family is eating the same way. Last night I had so much fun cooking one big dinner...gone are the days of separate meals. I have the rest of my life to be a vegan...for now...I am simply enjoying the fellowship of sharing a like-plated meal with my darling little family.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
today
my morning started at 4:55 am to a text waking me out of a fitful sleep.
it included running, laughing, sweating, deep breathing, sharing, friendship.
the sun crept up so silently that i barely realized i was running from the dark into the lightened crisp morning air.
my family voted in the primaries. it was my first primary election.
i choked back the tears as my children hugged their daddy goodbye as he went to work, and we left for the library. my life is so blessed.
my children had to be peeled away from the books as they excitedly found so many to borrow that i could hardly lift the bag...the bag i sewed with transformers on it for J-Bob...the most favorite-of-favorite bags that i have ever owned.
we met friends in the park. our children were kind to each other and never even noticed the obvious difference in the quirky big boy who was too rough, too loud, too excited...i see such love in their lives. if only we could be like them.
i mowed the yard to surprise my OA who has done the dishes for me so many times this week...just because. my neighbor started the mower.
the kiddos congregated at another neighbor's house. they all played together. their ages were 5 to almost 13 and no one was unaccepted. it was beautiful to behold. my son started off in his too short handmade curious george jammy pants...and ended up in cool camo shorts. i never said a word. watching him figure out life is...beyond my words.
my daughter begged to be read a poetry book for girls...she has her mama's love for words...written...spoken...unspoken.
my husband came home and found his family lying in the dark on the trampoline watching for fireflies.
he started a fire in the fire pit, changed his clothes, and roasted marshmallows.
we ended the evening as a family...lying together...staring at the incredible night sky. the brilliance of the bright stars in the vastness of the dark sky.
my life...it warms my heart.
i am so very undeserving.
but i will so humbly accept and thankfully drink in every single moment of His incredible Mercy.
i only wish that i could offer such evenings to the many hurting and unloved children in this world...my prayers are always with them.
eternity...days like these...i glimpse His Love...His Tenderness...Him.
i love Him so much.
it included running, laughing, sweating, deep breathing, sharing, friendship.
the sun crept up so silently that i barely realized i was running from the dark into the lightened crisp morning air.
my family voted in the primaries. it was my first primary election.
i choked back the tears as my children hugged their daddy goodbye as he went to work, and we left for the library. my life is so blessed.
my children had to be peeled away from the books as they excitedly found so many to borrow that i could hardly lift the bag...the bag i sewed with transformers on it for J-Bob...the most favorite-of-favorite bags that i have ever owned.
we met friends in the park. our children were kind to each other and never even noticed the obvious difference in the quirky big boy who was too rough, too loud, too excited...i see such love in their lives. if only we could be like them.
i mowed the yard to surprise my OA who has done the dishes for me so many times this week...just because. my neighbor started the mower.
the kiddos congregated at another neighbor's house. they all played together. their ages were 5 to almost 13 and no one was unaccepted. it was beautiful to behold. my son started off in his too short handmade curious george jammy pants...and ended up in cool camo shorts. i never said a word. watching him figure out life is...beyond my words.
my daughter begged to be read a poetry book for girls...she has her mama's love for words...written...spoken...unspoken.
my husband came home and found his family lying in the dark on the trampoline watching for fireflies.
he started a fire in the fire pit, changed his clothes, and roasted marshmallows.
we ended the evening as a family...lying together...staring at the incredible night sky. the brilliance of the bright stars in the vastness of the dark sky.
my life...it warms my heart.
i am so very undeserving.
but i will so humbly accept and thankfully drink in every single moment of His incredible Mercy.
i only wish that i could offer such evenings to the many hurting and unloved children in this world...my prayers are always with them.
eternity...days like these...i glimpse His Love...His Tenderness...Him.
i love Him so much.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
nothing a little bootie shakin and food dyes cannot solve
i confess, after posting my last blog entry i:
- let the kids watch sponge bob square pants (gasp...i know...he makes my brain hurt)
- busted out HAIRBO gummy bears (double gasp...i know...i know...i threw all caution to the wind with food dyes and high fructose corn syrup)
- blasted usher in my ears and shook "the bootie" while cleaning my house...oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh my gosh (i just love that song)
- smiled as my son...the one who was extra autistic today...took his outta the box thinking and had me tape his light saber and sword to his arms...so he "could practice his skills" outside
- taught my little shadow how to cook vegan spaghetti with spaghetti squash and gf garlic bread...divine.
- decided that my sweet little shadow...who was extra clingy today...is the perfect storm...the passion of her mommy coupled with the intensity of her daddy...and i am a better person because of her.
- smiled as my children...the ones who did not in fact get the memo...decorated our table with a white sheet, plates, "honeybuns" aka honey suckle flowers, and handmade cloth napkins...for their daddy...hahahaha...i love those non-memo-gettin-kiddos
- sighed a great big sigh of relief after dinner as OA swept said kiddos off into the other room which allowed me some TIME ALONE! (admit it...best gift ever)
- decided that i love that i hate overly commercialized holidays...they always end up being a great big reminder that my quirky family is in fact...quirky...but at the end of the day...be the day good or bad...i know that we are just the way God has ordained us to be. and that always makes me smile!
ba hum bug
sitting alone on yet another mother's day
my husband is out serving every other mother this day of days while his wife once again spends "her day" alone with their children.
it gets so old...being alone on holidays.
it gets even older...the over hyped expectation of each and every holiday. my kids never get the memos.
my son with autism only seems that much more autistic.
my daughter who loves me to the point of suffocation...only holds on that much tighter...leaving me barely able to breathe.
and everyone around us seems to be celebrating...matching...smiling...sending out the "this is so easy message"
today, my daughter is whining...extra loud.
today, my son is lost in his own world...glaring off into space and talking to himself. he is angry because it didn't go the way he wanted..."it" being life. and being my child, coupled with autism, he is beyond incapable of faking it.
so she pouts, and he glares, and i try to worship...and then the overly hungry family goes grocery shopping amidst the sea of happy mother's day flowers, cards, families.
blah
i just want my exhausted husband to come home. i need my anchor. the man who almost always immediately makes these kind of days better. the daddy the kiddos cannot stand to disappoint...autism...whining...what-have-you.
i just want tomorrow to come...so the pressures of being alone and living a far from "normal" life will leave my shoulders.
i just want to finally let go of all expectations.
i really just pray that my children know that i feel most celebrated when they are peacefully asleep, or during our unsolicited conversations about God, love, and all things important to their hearts, or the stolen moments away during a good long run.
run...that's the problem...i should've started my "holiday" out with a good long run...the special place where my feet meet the road and my heart meets my Creator. where i trample all of my expectations and sweat away the sorrow's of my soul.
sigh.
for every mother out there who ends up mostly alone on holidays, for every mom out there who has lost a child, for every woman who desperately longs to hold a baby in her arms yet cannot, for all the mommy's who secretly want to run away: i hate mother's day, too.
for the rest of you...ba hum bug! hehe...that actual made me smile!! ;)
my husband is out serving every other mother this day of days while his wife once again spends "her day" alone with their children.
it gets so old...being alone on holidays.
it gets even older...the over hyped expectation of each and every holiday. my kids never get the memos.
my son with autism only seems that much more autistic.
my daughter who loves me to the point of suffocation...only holds on that much tighter...leaving me barely able to breathe.
and everyone around us seems to be celebrating...matching...smiling...sending out the "this is so easy message"
today, my daughter is whining...extra loud.
today, my son is lost in his own world...glaring off into space and talking to himself. he is angry because it didn't go the way he wanted..."it" being life. and being my child, coupled with autism, he is beyond incapable of faking it.
so she pouts, and he glares, and i try to worship...and then the overly hungry family goes grocery shopping amidst the sea of happy mother's day flowers, cards, families.
blah
i just want my exhausted husband to come home. i need my anchor. the man who almost always immediately makes these kind of days better. the daddy the kiddos cannot stand to disappoint...autism...whining...what-have-you.
i just want tomorrow to come...so the pressures of being alone and living a far from "normal" life will leave my shoulders.
i just want to finally let go of all expectations.
i really just pray that my children know that i feel most celebrated when they are peacefully asleep, or during our unsolicited conversations about God, love, and all things important to their hearts, or the stolen moments away during a good long run.
run...that's the problem...i should've started my "holiday" out with a good long run...the special place where my feet meet the road and my heart meets my Creator. where i trample all of my expectations and sweat away the sorrow's of my soul.
sigh.
for every mother out there who ends up mostly alone on holidays, for every mom out there who has lost a child, for every woman who desperately longs to hold a baby in her arms yet cannot, for all the mommy's who secretly want to run away: i hate mother's day, too.
for the rest of you...ba hum bug! hehe...that actual made me smile!! ;)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)