perceptions

so tonight i served a family of three...yes...ladies and gentlemen...i am a server...moving back to your snobby home town and waiting tables at the age of 31 is for an entirely different blog...let's just say that God has taught me GREAT humility. actually, i came home tonight and told Oversized Asian: i love my job...and the people i work with...i don't know that i have ever enjoyed both job and co-workers simultaneously...anyhow...focus...

family of three...a mom...a dad...and a quirky teenage boy. the boy immediately caught my attention. it doesn't take many minutes around me to realize that i am constantly self-diagnosing every one i meet...i truly believe i have a great "feel" for these special children...this teenager had to be HFA (high functioning autism) or aspergers...his stories were jumbled...unrelated...and he lacked the ability to read body language. i so very much wanted to just stop everything i was doing and sit and give him the attention he was seeking...my heart hurt in listening to him...

age seems to bring social awkwardness...already, as my son nears 5, i see people judging him differently...it makes me angry...where do you draw the line between allowing your child the freedom to be who he is and/or screaming to everyone: GIVE HIM A BREAK...HE DOESN'T PROCESS THINGS LIKE YOU AND ME!

i will never forget a visit to barnes and noble aka "the train table"...it was time to leave...mermaid age 2 quietly held hands with the friend that came with us and left without blinking twice...jay-bob, on the other hand, began a frantic melt-down. transitions were not his forte' at that point, and he simply did not understand WHY we had to leave. every eye was on my...i calmly hoisted him up and slowly made my way to the door with a three and half year old kicking and screaming...literally...my heart was sick...

at this point i was still in denial/search mode and thought i simply had a "high maintenance son" but had learned from past experiences that spanking does not work in these particular situations(despite MANY people's assured advice that "a good spanking" is simply what he needed...((i feel vomit rising in my throat))...NEVER spank your child out of being guilted or for the benefit of others...it only leads to more severe melt-downs and years of guilt and anger towards the well-intentioned advice givers...not to mention greater confusion for your poor child)...

REFOCUS...(sorry)...the worst part of this "episode" was one man's reaction. feel free to look on me with all the disdain you can muster...i am a big girl and can handle myself...but this man...he glared with disgust and anger...at my son...my three year old boy...i still feel the anger...

i can't keep my cheeks dry during worship at church these days...i feel the pain for so many precious families who have been isolated by society's judgemental reaction to their children who are desperately crying out from the prison's their bodies are holding them in. sometimes i feel guilty...my son is a diet responder...my son is verbal...my son is recovering...he may always be a bit socially awkward...but so is his father...his mind will always be brilliant...he has the gift of seeing things in ways many of us can never dream...but what about the parents whose children are 15 and still not potty trained...what about the mom who has to "sign" a hug to her child...what about the dad who has yet to hear the word "daddy"...

i cry for those families...may i be the one who extends a helping hand or a much needed prayer while their child melts down in public...there was one lady...i will never forget...at walmart in florida...jay-bob was screaming...i was desperate...she came up to me...she smiled at my son...she said, "hurry...go grab what you need"...i ran up the aisle watching her love him despite the screaming...i will never ever forget that lady...i don't know her name...i can't recall her face...but i still feel her love.