Patience

Tonight my children were promoted to yellow belts in their Martial Arts class.  It was a proud moment.  I am the ever present Mom in the corner pinching herself willing the tears NOT to flow...sheesh...such a SAP!?

Their "Master" gave them a little speech before tying their new belts on.


For my Mermaid, he spoke to her of bravery.  How she got to where she was because she chose to be brave and how she will get to where she wants to be in the future by continuing to be brave.  Such wise words; so applicable to my soft-spoken-don't-notice-me precious little girl who is blossoming into this soft-spoken-louder-YES SIRS-you-better-look-at-me-because-I-can-kick-hard brave and confident little girl. 

What Mama could resist moist cheeks watching her baby girl get her first yellow belt knowing the painful shyness and fear she had to overcome in just two short months!?

For my Ninja, he spoke to him of patience.  How J-bob trains so hard and is so immensely excited to get to the next level.  He spoke to him of his gift of seeing the future goal and not quitting until he reaches it, but he reminded him that with good goals comes much work requiring the ability to be patient...embrace and enjoy the "now".  (Yes, moist cheeks and the ability to not snot bubble in public is highly overrated).  I watched my son patiently listen to every word spoken until that blessed moment that the sacred yellow belt was tied around his waist.  I almost burst with thankfulness for how blessed we were to find such an amazing establishment. 

Signature sigh

As we got home and I rushed around to make dinner:  fish with green beans, apple slices, and a salad.  All those tears I had been holding back finally found their place on my face.

Patience.  If only I could explain to each person present tonight how patience has a whole new meaning in our family.  Patience is learning to how to speak so that "more than 50% of those with unfamiliar ears" can understand you.  Patience is looking to your mother to help you interpret yourself and the confusing world around your first 6 years of life.  Patience is learning to eat more than three things without extreme anxiety or aversion.  Patience is starting off by licking a chicken breast (totally worth the read) and having your Dad be so excited that he videos it and texts it to your Mom then 4 years later being able to negotiate 8 bites of fish and all the rest of your plate for television and doing so without a single tear.  Patience is waiting until you are almost 9 years old to finally do an extra curricular activity that doesn't include therapy while all your friends started soccer or baseball when they were 4 and 5.

Tonight my Ninja was just another boy in another belt tying ceremony who eagerly waited his very first accomplishment that didn't require anything more than working hard and listening.  And then he came home and ate just another healthy dinner and bargained just another hour of television with his mom.

Talk about enjoying the now. 

I celebrate that patience is his hardest virtue...I love that his eagerness and excitement that consume him are a combination of his Mama's passion and his Daddy's focus rolled into the fact that he has some serious catching up to do...he has waited this long...and has worked this hard...patience be damned...that boy's got some LIFE to LIVE.

Tonight was a great night.  I serve a great and mighty God who gives me exceedingly more than I could ever ask for or deserve.  And teaches me through my perfectly imperfect children how to be brave and be patient in these very early steps of our adoption journey.

perceptions

so tonight i served a family of three...yes...ladies and gentlemen...i am a server...moving back to your snobby home town and waiting tables at the age of 31 is for an entirely different blog...let's just say that God has taught me GREAT humility. actually, i came home tonight and told Oversized Asian: i love my job...and the people i work with...i don't know that i have ever enjoyed both job and co-workers simultaneously...anyhow...focus...

family of three...a mom...a dad...and a quirky teenage boy. the boy immediately caught my attention. it doesn't take many minutes around me to realize that i am constantly self-diagnosing every one i meet...i truly believe i have a great "feel" for these special children...this teenager had to be HFA (high functioning autism) or aspergers...his stories were jumbled...unrelated...and he lacked the ability to read body language. i so very much wanted to just stop everything i was doing and sit and give him the attention he was seeking...my heart hurt in listening to him...

age seems to bring social awkwardness...already, as my son nears 5, i see people judging him differently...it makes me angry...where do you draw the line between allowing your child the freedom to be who he is and/or screaming to everyone: GIVE HIM A BREAK...HE DOESN'T PROCESS THINGS LIKE YOU AND ME!

i will never forget a visit to barnes and noble aka "the train table"...it was time to leave...mermaid age 2 quietly held hands with the friend that came with us and left without blinking twice...jay-bob, on the other hand, began a frantic melt-down. transitions were not his forte' at that point, and he simply did not understand WHY we had to leave. every eye was on my...i calmly hoisted him up and slowly made my way to the door with a three and half year old kicking and screaming...literally...my heart was sick...

at this point i was still in denial/search mode and thought i simply had a "high maintenance son" but had learned from past experiences that spanking does not work in these particular situations(despite MANY people's assured advice that "a good spanking" is simply what he needed...((i feel vomit rising in my throat))...NEVER spank your child out of being guilted or for the benefit of others...it only leads to more severe melt-downs and years of guilt and anger towards the well-intentioned advice givers...not to mention greater confusion for your poor child)...

REFOCUS...(sorry)...the worst part of this "episode" was one man's reaction. feel free to look on me with all the disdain you can muster...i am a big girl and can handle myself...but this man...he glared with disgust and anger...at my son...my three year old boy...i still feel the anger...

i can't keep my cheeks dry during worship at church these days...i feel the pain for so many precious families who have been isolated by society's judgemental reaction to their children who are desperately crying out from the prison's their bodies are holding them in. sometimes i feel guilty...my son is a diet responder...my son is verbal...my son is recovering...he may always be a bit socially awkward...but so is his father...his mind will always be brilliant...he has the gift of seeing things in ways many of us can never dream...but what about the parents whose children are 15 and still not potty trained...what about the mom who has to "sign" a hug to her child...what about the dad who has yet to hear the word "daddy"...

i cry for those families...may i be the one who extends a helping hand or a much needed prayer while their child melts down in public...there was one lady...i will never forget...at walmart in florida...jay-bob was screaming...i was desperate...she came up to me...she smiled at my son...she said, "hurry...go grab what you need"...i ran up the aisle watching her love him despite the screaming...i will never ever forget that lady...i don't know her name...i can't recall her face...but i still feel her love.