In the Matrix, the main character starts having rumblings of realization. Initially, he runs from it. Eventually, it literally catches him and he wakes up to discover Reality. It takes a little while to process it all and to make sense of it all, but in the end he succeeds and subsequently has to face his role in reality.
Healing has been like that for me. Dreams---the really terrifying kinds---were my rumblings. I am pretty sure that I tried everything "known to man" to make them go away. Eventually, they caught up with me; ironically, my dreams are what helped me finally wake up. I have spent the better part of the last year processing and making sense of it all, learning to see the footprints of trauma, learning to re-define and re-frame my ways of thinking, and coming to terms with my role in reality.
Again the dreams have surfaced. I have learned that this is either my mind's yellow flag or God's gift of warning me (both?): slow down, take note, wake up.
It sounds so strange to be 39 and admit that I am just now seeing myself, my spouse, my children (they have been my other yellow flag---first glimpse of unconditional love coupled with watching them just be children: slow down, take note, wake up) as complete humans. Before, everything and everyone was so fragmented. My therapist would remind me that most of my childhood was fragmented so, of course, that would be my learned perception of the world (slow down, take note, wake up). Now, I have this new found vision. No longer do I only see the things that are all good or all bad; rather, I see them together in harmony. The perfection in the imperfection and the imperfection in the perfection. It is messy, clear, beautiful, ugly, mundane, astounding, terrifying, peaceful...I am no longer sleepwalking.
Sleep is truly healing. It gives our bodies the break it needs to grow, to repair, and to defend. Striking the balance of not-enough-sleep and too-much-sleep is, like all things in life, a fine line. Waking up from a good night's sleep is a gift. Waking up from a lifetime of fragments to the reality of whole-complete (I love this definition of complete: having all the necessary or appropriate parts)-entire-ability to perceive life, loved ones, strangers is beyond my ability to express in words...I am finally awake.
I am awake enough to realize that maybe my role in reality is nothing more than slowing down, taking note, and waking up. The gift of life---reality, with all it's painful beauty, is a blessing that I don't want to sleepwalk through anymore. I am awake enough to realize that the simplicity and complexity of my role is also a beautiful blessing. And for these things, I am eternally grateful, and in this moment I am completely awake.
My Quivers
Showing posts with label thankful. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thankful. Show all posts
Friday, April 1, 2016
Friday, September 13, 2013
Let It Rain
This song takes me to my husband's 1998 Hunter Green Ford Taurus (Toby---I miss you, Toby-the-Taurus). We had just miscarried our first baby. It.was.devestating. I had wanted to be a Mother for as long I could remember...a deep, burning desire that eclipsed many other passions. Children. I have always loved them. Even as a child. 12 weeks and no heartbeat or eagerly anticipated ultra sound video to watch and re-watch (there's just no words to capture *that moment*...a defining one for my husband and me, and our future, and our relationship). We drove to the nearest Pizza place and I bitterly drank the biggest cup of caffeine for the first time in 3 months, and we shoved our pain in our mouths and wiped our tears away with greasy-comfort-food-fingers. We discussed my up-coming surgery. That day I held my husband as he cried a cry I have never seen him cry since (real men feel...real men grieve...real men cry...just look at Jesus if you need further proof). It's a special kind of grief and cry that accompanies the loss of a child...no matter the age or length of parenthood.
I boxed up all the baby things we had already acquired. I boxed up all my emotions and disappointment. I became strong-when-I-should-have-been-weak. And then, as it seems I always do, I became weak-when-it-was-time-to-be-strong. Hence, the aforementioned song and all it means to me. I would blast it in our car. I would scream at heaven and my only comfort was found in that He gave His Son, too. He knew my pain. I would slam my fists on the steering wheel. I would cry so hard---I could barely breathe. But this song would calm my spirits. "The Lord Reigns..."
I became quite obsessed with getting pregnant IMMEDIATELY after my D&C (you're NOT supposed to do that). I tracked my temp, checked my cervical *ahem* mucous, and *double ahem* fill-in-the-blank with my OA as much as possible.
We immediately got pregnant with J-bob. Before the first 8 week exam I started bleeding. I couldn't believe I'd been so foolish to get pregnant so soon after our loss. I just knew that I had pushed my will into motion and was reaping the consequences. The enemy tried to take my son 3 separate times during that pregnancy, but by God's amazing Grace...10 years later...I listen to him play with his little sister in his room.
Autism was the next thief. It stole the joy, intentions, and dreams of the kind of childhood/motherhood I'd always expected. It led me (unknowingly) to have a tubal ligation at a much.too.early.age. A decision that has haunted me for years. But God has brought 4 more children into our lives through adoption and/or fostering. One of them is my teenager. Born to someone else for someone else: US. A joy, unexplainable. A bond, indescribable.
Life with our "tod" has reinforced that I am MUCH better with babies and toddlers. It's one of the first recognizable gifts God blessed me with. Friends, family, and other foster families with newborns or soon-to-be newborns have further reinforced that I still so desperately desire to have a baby. I have to choke down the thick lump of jealousy that sometimes creeps into my throat. His ways are not my ways...His plans are not my plans...and I am humbled how He has given me more than I have ever asked for or dreamed of for myself.
Psalm 97
1The Lord reigns, let the earth be glad;
let the distant shores rejoice.
2Clouds and thick darkness surround him;
righteousness and justice are the foundation of his throne.
3Fire goes before him
and consumes his foes on every side.
4His lightning lights up the world;
the earth sees and trembles.
5The mountains melt like wax before the Lord,
before the Lord of all the earth.
6The heavens proclaim his righteousness,
and all peoples see his glory.
Let it rain, Oh Lord, not my will but Thine be done. May the People See Your Glory.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
The process...DCFS style..part one
I am sitting in my living room sipping coffee listening to nothing more than the air conditioning blow and the birds chirp outside my window. No children to feed this morning (they are at my mom's), no husband to iron work clothes for (he is at a soft ball tournament), just the dogs, my coffee, my thoughts, and a really big grin on my face.
Today I ready our home for the monumental, frequently alluded to adoption-rite-of-passage: the home study.
Most adoptions begin with the home study. It's the foundation that all the rest of your paperwork builds upon. It is the opportunity for licensed strangers to delve into your marriage, finances, childhood, parenting, education, home, sanity, etc. It makes sense to begin with a home study because you cannot do anything until it has been completed and you have been deemed worthy of adopting (or fostering) a child...so I can finally put words to what has seemed so incredibly frustrating in our situation (which has by God's Grace moved much quicker than many in similar).
In our state, through the foster care system, the home study happens towards the end or more the middle of it all. You better be firmly rooted in knowing you're following God's will because when working with the state, you have ZERO luxuries...no sweet-voiced lady on the other end of the line walking you through the next step (I have had contact with two adoption agencies whose sweet-voiced ladies, in and of themselves and their heart's for God and orphans, have sold me on their agencies...my how I have longed for their calm reassurance, prayers, and willingness to share the next step)...no realization of what the "next step" even is. You have no rites what-so-ever until...wait for it...you got it: you pass your home study.
So what does this process look like? I can share what it's looked like for us thus far.
We began by attending an informational meeting in which we were given "the packet" (remember the meeting we left swearing we'd NEVER EVER foster parent or go through DCFS because we REFUSED to work for the state?? Yeah, I think God laughed at us that night, too). "The packet" was full of background check information, finger printing, and so on and so forth. Once this gets mailed back to DCFS the wait-of-the-watched-phone begins.
We were called and told we couldn't go to training because our background checks had not cleared. This training only happens once or twice a year and God had parted the Red Sea (first of many) in the OA's schedule and heart to allow us to attend. At this point, I reminded God that none of this was of my will (note NEVER EVER above) and if it was TRULY His plan for us to foster-adopt through the state, He was going to have to handle all of the details for me because all of it was totally out of my control (first of many). A few days before the training kicked off we were given a pass to attend with the promise that we'd be kicked out if our background checks came back with anything on them. The social worker then came over and did an initial home inspection.
Two full weekends in June to total 30 hours of training with a 2 hour First Aid and CPR certification in between (OA and I missed our children so much that month) landed us with another "packet". The first one paled in comparison to this...the red folder...in which financial statements, physical exams, dog exams and shots, kiddo's immunizations (another Red Sea parting for those who know my feelings on this issue), home and auto insurance, emergency plans, diagram of home, home work from training, proof of every imaginable thing under the sun went into this red folder. It was a labor of love. Again, all of this we did in between the two training weekends (I thought it HAD to be turned in last day of class..it doesn't...just FYI...so don't kill yourself trying). The surrendering of the red folder that Monday after training ended was as bittersweet as finishing up a really, really, really long run.
An entire whole story has been written by God in between that day and today...one I cannot wait to slowly begin to share...one that it will take time to put human words to. Man, when He shows off, He shows off big.
If I only knew that day why God had so generously given me the energy, endurance, and urgency to surrender that folder so quickly...sigh...I can't imagine what that-day granola would've said to this-day granola. I'm positive that she wouldn't for one second believe she was about to double her children, soon be raising a teenager, and have a love for two children that defies all logic because seeing as how her home study hasn't even occurred, she isn't allowed to know much more than what their faces look like on a heart gallery photolisting...a place that strangers can even see...knowledge that anyone can know. Double sigh. That tired granola who was driving their-then-car with no air conditioning was surrendering so much more than her family's red folder and heart work. She was about to embark on one of the coolest journeys God has ever called her family.
And tomorrow...tomorrow...we have our home study!!
Today I ready our home for the monumental, frequently alluded to adoption-rite-of-passage: the home study.
Most adoptions begin with the home study. It's the foundation that all the rest of your paperwork builds upon. It is the opportunity for licensed strangers to delve into your marriage, finances, childhood, parenting, education, home, sanity, etc. It makes sense to begin with a home study because you cannot do anything until it has been completed and you have been deemed worthy of adopting (or fostering) a child...so I can finally put words to what has seemed so incredibly frustrating in our situation (which has by God's Grace moved much quicker than many in similar).
In our state, through the foster care system, the home study happens towards the end or more the middle of it all. You better be firmly rooted in knowing you're following God's will because when working with the state, you have ZERO luxuries...no sweet-voiced lady on the other end of the line walking you through the next step (I have had contact with two adoption agencies whose sweet-voiced ladies, in and of themselves and their heart's for God and orphans, have sold me on their agencies...my how I have longed for their calm reassurance, prayers, and willingness to share the next step)...no realization of what the "next step" even is. You have no rites what-so-ever until...wait for it...you got it: you pass your home study.
{a tiny taste of what kids trapped in the foster care system go through every single day}
...sigh...
So what does this process look like? I can share what it's looked like for us thus far.
We began by attending an informational meeting in which we were given "the packet" (remember the meeting we left swearing we'd NEVER EVER foster parent or go through DCFS because we REFUSED to work for the state?? Yeah, I think God laughed at us that night, too). "The packet" was full of background check information, finger printing, and so on and so forth. Once this gets mailed back to DCFS the wait-of-the-watched-phone begins.
We were called and told we couldn't go to training because our background checks had not cleared. This training only happens once or twice a year and God had parted the Red Sea (first of many) in the OA's schedule and heart to allow us to attend. At this point, I reminded God that none of this was of my will (note NEVER EVER above) and if it was TRULY His plan for us to foster-adopt through the state, He was going to have to handle all of the details for me because all of it was totally out of my control (first of many). A few days before the training kicked off we were given a pass to attend with the promise that we'd be kicked out if our background checks came back with anything on them. The social worker then came over and did an initial home inspection.
Two full weekends in June to total 30 hours of training with a 2 hour First Aid and CPR certification in between (OA and I missed our children so much that month) landed us with another "packet". The first one paled in comparison to this...the red folder...in which financial statements, physical exams, dog exams and shots, kiddo's immunizations (another Red Sea parting for those who know my feelings on this issue), home and auto insurance, emergency plans, diagram of home, home work from training, proof of every imaginable thing under the sun went into this red folder. It was a labor of love. Again, all of this we did in between the two training weekends (I thought it HAD to be turned in last day of class..it doesn't...just FYI...so don't kill yourself trying). The surrendering of the red folder that Monday after training ended was as bittersweet as finishing up a really, really, really long run.
An entire whole story has been written by God in between that day and today...one I cannot wait to slowly begin to share...one that it will take time to put human words to. Man, when He shows off, He shows off big.
If I only knew that day why God had so generously given me the energy, endurance, and urgency to surrender that folder so quickly...sigh...I can't imagine what that-day granola would've said to this-day granola. I'm positive that she wouldn't for one second believe she was about to double her children, soon be raising a teenager, and have a love for two children that defies all logic because seeing as how her home study hasn't even occurred, she isn't allowed to know much more than what their faces look like on a heart gallery photolisting...a place that strangers can even see...knowledge that anyone can know. Double sigh. That tired granola who was driving their-then-car with no air conditioning was surrendering so much more than her family's red folder and heart work. She was about to embark on one of the coolest journeys God has ever called her family.
And tomorrow...tomorrow...we have our home study!!
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Quiet strength & family
My last post was about the bit of wisdom handed to my children during their belt promotion ceremony. I couldn't wait to hear what my OA's words of wisdom would include. It's a very interesting thing to hear a man's interpretation of another man; it is something I think more men need to experience more often.
Why it shocked me, I will never know. Maybe because it's something that I feel every single day. Something that I have written about and acknowledged and know in my inner most core to be every bit true: quiet strength. It almost felt odd to have it spoken in a room full of people. Like a hidden treasure was being exposed for all to see. Again, tears swelled high and threatened to spill over onto my cheeks. And then another word family mentioned: family...a man with quiet strength investing in his family.
That's my man. That's what I have the privilege of seeing every single day. I was watching him sleep the other evening, and I realized that he makes me want to be a better person, a better wife, a better mother, a better homemaker, a better home educator, just better. I don't think that I have recognized that until recently. My Hero has changed. He's always been remarkable, but something still and small has overcome him. He credits reading his Bible. We both credit God. I don't even hold my breath waiting in anxious anticipation for the good to disappear anymore.
My precious, amazing God---so overwhelmingly gracious to give me everything my heart could ask for and desire: a man with a strength loud enough to calm my crazy ways yet soft enough to wait as my fragile and bruised heart mended and slowly exposed itself to his. What a beautiful picture of His love for us.
Deep-thankful-sigh
Why it shocked me, I will never know. Maybe because it's something that I feel every single day. Something that I have written about and acknowledged and know in my inner most core to be every bit true: quiet strength. It almost felt odd to have it spoken in a room full of people. Like a hidden treasure was being exposed for all to see. Again, tears swelled high and threatened to spill over onto my cheeks. And then another word family mentioned: family...a man with quiet strength investing in his family.
That's my man. That's what I have the privilege of seeing every single day. I was watching him sleep the other evening, and I realized that he makes me want to be a better person, a better wife, a better mother, a better homemaker, a better home educator, just better. I don't think that I have recognized that until recently. My Hero has changed. He's always been remarkable, but something still and small has overcome him. He credits reading his Bible. We both credit God. I don't even hold my breath waiting in anxious anticipation for the good to disappear anymore.
My precious, amazing God---so overwhelmingly gracious to give me everything my heart could ask for and desire: a man with a strength loud enough to calm my crazy ways yet soft enough to wait as my fragile and bruised heart mended and slowly exposed itself to his. What a beautiful picture of His love for us.
Deep-thankful-sigh
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Patience
Tonight my children were promoted to yellow belts in their Martial Arts class. It was a proud moment. I am the ever present Mom in the corner pinching herself willing the tears NOT to flow...sheesh...such a SAP!?
Their "Master" gave them a little speech before tying their new belts on.
For my Mermaid, he spoke to her of bravery. How she got to where she was because she chose to be brave and how she will get to where she wants to be in the future by continuing to be brave. Such wise words; so applicable to my soft-spoken-don't-notice-me precious little girl who is blossoming into this soft-spoken-louder-YES SIRS-you-better-look-at-me-because-I-can-kick-hard brave and confident little girl.
What Mama could resist moist cheeks watching her baby girl get her first yellow belt knowing the painful shyness and fear she had to overcome in just two short months!?
For my Ninja, he spoke to him of patience. How J-bob trains so hard and is so immensely excited to get to the next level. He spoke to him of his gift of seeing the future goal and not quitting until he reaches it, but he reminded him that with good goals comes much work requiring the ability to be patient...embrace and enjoy the "now". (Yes, moist cheeks and the ability to not snot bubble in public is highly overrated). I watched my son patiently listen to every word spoken until that blessed moment that the sacred yellow belt was tied around his waist. I almost burst with thankfulness for how blessed we were to find such an amazing establishment.
Signature sigh
As we got home and I rushed around to make dinner: fish with green beans, apple slices, and a salad. All those tears I had been holding back finally found their place on my face.
Patience. If only I could explain to each person present tonight how patience has a whole new meaning in our family. Patience is learning to how to speak so that "more than 50% of those with unfamiliar ears" can understand you. Patience is looking to your mother to help you interpret yourself and the confusing world around your first 6 years of life. Patience is learning to eat more than three things without extreme anxiety or aversion. Patience is starting off by licking a chicken breast (totally worth the read) and having your Dad be so excited that he videos it and texts it to your Mom then 4 years later being able to negotiate 8 bites of fish and all the rest of your plate for television and doing so without a single tear. Patience is waiting until you are almost 9 years old to finally do an extra curricular activity that doesn't include therapy while all your friends started soccer or baseball when they were 4 and 5.
Tonight my Ninja was just another boy in another belt tying ceremony who eagerly waited his very first accomplishment that didn't require anything more than working hard and listening. And then he came home and ate just another healthy dinner and bargained just another hour of television with his mom.
Talk about enjoying the now.
I celebrate that patience is his hardest virtue...I love that his eagerness and excitement that consume him are a combination of his Mama's passion and his Daddy's focus rolled into the fact that he has some serious catching up to do...he has waited this long...and has worked this hard...patience be damned...that boy's got some LIFE to LIVE.
Tonight was a great night. I serve a great and mighty God who gives me exceedingly more than I could ever ask for or deserve. And teaches me through my perfectly imperfect children how to be brave and be patient in these very early steps of our adoption journey.
Their "Master" gave them a little speech before tying their new belts on.
For my Mermaid, he spoke to her of bravery. How she got to where she was because she chose to be brave and how she will get to where she wants to be in the future by continuing to be brave. Such wise words; so applicable to my soft-spoken-don't-notice-me precious little girl who is blossoming into this soft-spoken-louder-YES SIRS-you-better-look-at-me-because-I-can-kick-hard brave and confident little girl.
For my Ninja, he spoke to him of patience. How J-bob trains so hard and is so immensely excited to get to the next level. He spoke to him of his gift of seeing the future goal and not quitting until he reaches it, but he reminded him that with good goals comes much work requiring the ability to be patient...embrace and enjoy the "now". (Yes, moist cheeks and the ability to not snot bubble in public is highly overrated). I watched my son patiently listen to every word spoken until that blessed moment that the sacred yellow belt was tied around his waist. I almost burst with thankfulness for how blessed we were to find such an amazing establishment.
Signature sigh
As we got home and I rushed around to make dinner: fish with green beans, apple slices, and a salad. All those tears I had been holding back finally found their place on my face.
Patience. If only I could explain to each person present tonight how patience has a whole new meaning in our family. Patience is learning to how to speak so that "more than 50% of those with unfamiliar ears" can understand you. Patience is looking to your mother to help you interpret yourself and the confusing world around your first 6 years of life. Patience is learning to eat more than three things without extreme anxiety or aversion. Patience is starting off by licking a chicken breast (totally worth the read) and having your Dad be so excited that he videos it and texts it to your Mom then 4 years later being able to negotiate 8 bites of fish and all the rest of your plate for television and doing so without a single tear. Patience is waiting until you are almost 9 years old to finally do an extra curricular activity that doesn't include therapy while all your friends started soccer or baseball when they were 4 and 5.
Tonight my Ninja was just another boy in another belt tying ceremony who eagerly waited his very first accomplishment that didn't require anything more than working hard and listening. And then he came home and ate just another healthy dinner and bargained just another hour of television with his mom.Talk about enjoying the now.
I celebrate that patience is his hardest virtue...I love that his eagerness and excitement that consume him are a combination of his Mama's passion and his Daddy's focus rolled into the fact that he has some serious catching up to do...he has waited this long...and has worked this hard...patience be damned...that boy's got some LIFE to LIVE.
Tonight was a great night. I serve a great and mighty God who gives me exceedingly more than I could ever ask for or deserve. And teaches me through my perfectly imperfect children how to be brave and be patient in these very early steps of our adoption journey.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
This moment...in words.
At this very moment:
- the drier is tumbling around its 4th load of clothes for the day
- the former 3 loads are folded and draped around our dining room table
- my children are tucked in their beds where they will sleep through the night (I am still not used to such spoiling)
- my husband is at work
- I am dreaming of flowers, plants, dirt, and my yard
- I pause to dream about the future color of my walls: gray (my accent colors are yellow and red)...I cannot wait
- I breathe deeply and slowly, exhaling any worry that tries to overtake...something about the possibilities of our future has awakened all kinds of feelings and emotions
- I pause to breathe even deeper--- my effort to appreciate the unknown, to cherish this moment, to praise Him for all the changes and stirrings He has placed in my family's hearts, and to bow my head in unending thankfulness for all that He has done for us
Thursday, April 2, 2009
awareness
so in case you DON'T know already...april is autism awareness month.
i am going to sift thru all of my past posts and actually LABEL them...haha...so that all of my autism related and gfcfsf...blahblah...free and biomedical posts can be easily accessed.
i picked up a new book...it looks like more of a novel-memoir...cannot remember the name right off the top of my head...but i figured in lieu of this month...i should start reading again. as i have mentioned in the past, i have to balance my immersion vs coming up for air otherwise i drown in all that is autism.
today...i am very very thankful...as we are having great successes here in this granola house-hold! j-bob is eating a carrot stick, an apple slice, he tried corn on the cob, asked to taste mustard, etc. he is regularly eating turkey burgers and actually ate his left-over vegan lasagna yesterday at school...AND...he is wearing polo shirts, button ups, khaki pants, and yesterday even wore BLUE JEANS!!??
WOW...all i can say is: thank You Jesus!! and thank you blog readers as i know many of you faithfully lift up my family in prayer...i am so blessed...so very very very blessed!
so today...i lift up a fellow mom...check out her awesome blog: MyFiveMen
she is a testimony, a true testimony of an incredible mom and Christian woman...autism looks different for every single child and family...
be aware...be understanding!
i am going to sift thru all of my past posts and actually LABEL them...haha...so that all of my autism related and gfcfsf...blahblah...free and biomedical posts can be easily accessed.
i picked up a new book...it looks like more of a novel-memoir...cannot remember the name right off the top of my head...but i figured in lieu of this month...i should start reading again. as i have mentioned in the past, i have to balance my immersion vs coming up for air otherwise i drown in all that is autism.
today...i am very very thankful...as we are having great successes here in this granola house-hold! j-bob is eating a carrot stick, an apple slice, he tried corn on the cob, asked to taste mustard, etc. he is regularly eating turkey burgers and actually ate his left-over vegan lasagna yesterday at school...AND...he is wearing polo shirts, button ups, khaki pants, and yesterday even wore BLUE JEANS!!??
WOW...all i can say is: thank You Jesus!! and thank you blog readers as i know many of you faithfully lift up my family in prayer...i am so blessed...so very very very blessed!
so today...i lift up a fellow mom...check out her awesome blog: MyFiveMen
she is a testimony, a true testimony of an incredible mom and Christian woman...autism looks different for every single child and family...
be aware...be understanding!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
chocolate kisses
if i died tomorrow...and seeing as how i haven't run and am fighting off strep throat with every natural remedy i know...death is at the top of my mind...or rather...i feel like death is knocking on my door...or throat...or head...well...one gets the picture.
OH, focus...so if i died tomorrow...i would die content. despite the fact that i will never be satisfied AND i always question...well...everything...i am still content.
my sweet little daughter...and i never thought i would be able to say those words: sweet and daughter...just leaned over the doggie gate with a face smeared with chocolate (enjoy life allergen free of course) and kissed me on the cheek. forget fairy tale endings...step aside i-do kisses...that hypoallergenic chocolate covered smooch has to be the most amazingly sweet kiss i have ever received...it makes my heart so swollen with thankfulness my chest hurts...but the words that followed: mommy, i love you...you are the bestest...
and then my heart stops...
ahh...my heart has stopped and my cheek is tingling...
this my dear blog readers...is one of those beautiful moments in parenthood.
OH, focus...so if i died tomorrow...i would die content. despite the fact that i will never be satisfied AND i always question...well...everything...i am still content.
my sweet little daughter...and i never thought i would be able to say those words: sweet and daughter...just leaned over the doggie gate with a face smeared with chocolate (enjoy life allergen free of course) and kissed me on the cheek. forget fairy tale endings...step aside i-do kisses...that hypoallergenic chocolate covered smooch has to be the most amazingly sweet kiss i have ever received...it makes my heart so swollen with thankfulness my chest hurts...but the words that followed: mommy, i love you...you are the bestest...
and then my heart stops...
ahh...my heart has stopped and my cheek is tingling...
this my dear blog readers...is one of those beautiful moments in parenthood.
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