the estrogen pool (my description of female gatherings) is usually a bit too deep for me to swim in...for instance...during a women's retreat one weekend we were sitting around a breakfast table...me (on not enough sleep) and a round table full of unknown females...the unknown females were discussing their children...the discussion was about style...the unknown moms were discussing their expectations for their individual child's style...of course blue hair and black clothes were not on their list of hopes...
i put my coffee cup down and pretty much blurted out..."well...my worst fear is that my child will want to sport a short hair cut and a polo shirt..." the looks on their faces were worth the energy it took to speak before finishing my entire cup of coffee...but really...i am terrified of having a preppy child...oh, the Oversized Asian is praying for it...but we all know mama prayers are pretty powerful...
as i was saying...the Merminator...well...this child...she is so impossible to define...even now...as i am typing...chills are up and down my spine...i think God is going to have me put my patience where my mouth is...even now...i don't regret not wanting polo cladden children...if my husband would let me...i would have blue tipped hair and facial piercings...don't worry...it will never happen...i am married to a man who wants to hide my tie-dyed shirts...
ANYHOW...my daughter is a free spirit...i am so thankful God knew how much i really needed a daughter...she challenges me on everything...EVERYTHING...she's the only three year old, i am sure, that knows the phrase: your incessant whining is making mommy's brain hurt...PLEASE...for the love of all that's holy...PLEASE STOP WHINING!!
YET, there are those stolen moments...when she plays with my hair...kisses my face...dances like a total goof...trips over her own feet, and her brothers, and mine...mentions God...tells me i am her best friend and that when she grows up she wants to have straight hair like mommy...
sigh...she is so beautiful...so head strong...so fiercely intense...deeper sigh...i have a feeling PDD is going to be one of the easiest parts of my journey through motherhood...it's so scary to teach the importance of being an individual and then to try and step out of said individuals way to do so...i think i need to give my daughter more room to be who she already is...do a little more listening and a little less deep sighing...maybe she wants to look at me and say: mommy...your incessant sighing is making my brain hurt...PLEASE...just hush and play with me...
well...if she had her wishes i would just hold her all day...deepest sigh...all too soon i am sure that i will regret that i didn't...
1 comment:
Don't blink or she will be grown!
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