listening to God...brown paper bag

so...i am realizing more and more...how i have only been half listening to God for many years now...probably because the cries and screams of infants and toddlers coupled with the extreme lack of sleep...drowned out most every one's voice. i will never forget sitting (more like-slumping over) a table at a woman's conference after having j-bob. we were supposed to "get to know" each other. the other ladies were dressed nicely, fresh make-up, smiles. i was still wearing yesterday's clothes in which i had slept in...probably had make-up from the following week smudged here and there...and my face was far from smiling a real smile. i just wanted: SLEEP. this sweet unsuspecting lady turned and looked at me went on and on about how often she did devotionals and which ones she did...

then asked: so where/when do you do your devotionals?? (insert her big perky well intentioned grin)

me: (insert my guilt-ridden-blushing-shocked-face)...ummm...on the toilet...?

i mean really moms...there are seasons in our life...and my good friend who happened to also be the wife of a preacher...my preacher...well...he is far from a "preacher"...more like an amazing teacher of the Word...ANYHOW...i confided to her one morning that i was failing miserably as a mom because i never read my Bible. she looked at me with the kindest eyes and reminded me to stop worrying...spend as much time with God as i could...and that doesn't HAVE to be in the form of a "scheduled" devotional...

today...i get what she was saying. those early years (and here is where the brown paper bag comes in...for me to breathe in...because...I AM PAST THOSE YEARS...BIGGEST-SOB-SIGH-SNOT-BUBBLE-SOB...and onto a new season with my kiddos) i learned more about the Heart and Grace and Mercy of God than i have my entire life. being a mom is exhausting...takes you to the brink...and then some...and without God...would have left me sucking my thumb in the fetal position with the covers pulled up over my head.

but because of God...i have been shown so much about what unconditional love, patience, prayer, faith, and trust really and truly look like. i am pretty sure all of those things are personified in the heart and eyes of my precious kiddos. and because of those precious kiddos...and the daddy i have lusted, loved, hated, cursed, loved, and once again lusted (yes marriage is a whole separate blog!), the most amazing daddy i have ever seen...working together through all things said: family.

if you are a new mom...hold tight to these years...you will soon miss sleepless nights...crying with your infant bc you cannot soothe them...diapers...BREASTFEEDING...the way those precious angels latch on...and you...YOU...are giving them all they need to survive...it's so incredible...being a mom...and as much as i desperately cherish those memories...i am excited about (yet brown bag is still close by) what God has for this season. the season of questions, recovery, personality, and learning.

*sigh*sigh*sigh*sigh

have i told all but my dear blog readers???

ummm...NO...i am not pregnant!!

BUT...OA has agreed to let me home school for a trial year. it is something i have dreamed of since before j-bob was born. the desire comes and goes. last year i felt i "had to" because of j-man's issues (but God said NO)...but this year...i simply "get to" bc...that little boy is as recovered as he needs to be...

i am not going to stop helping him along, and i will never stop researching.

BUT...i am satisfied. i love his quirkiness. i only pray God honors the quirky behavior, exceptionally innocent heart, and protects him from evil people.

so back to home schooling (HS)...i felt God tugging again...i began praying...enlisted all of my HS praying moms...and way before i ever expected...OA agreed!!!???

i am going to change my major and finish my degree online in Health Science Education and Promotion. quite fitting actually...only irritated that i did not change it sooner...my major change request sheet is rather embarrassing...but this just feels right. i have invested too much time and money not to finish...and am trusting in God that i will be able to use it, without having to stop homeschooling!!

we have had a rockin summer! it's already flying by too fast. i am reading some books about charlotte mason...if you have never read about her...do so...even if you don't teach or home school...specifically i am reading: For The Children's Sake by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay.

that's about it for now...too much to read...but you can now expect this to be a site of biomedical, gardening, gfcfsf...etc etc free, running, AND home schooling!!!!!

from my running blog...

i have been so busy...i am running...consistently...just not blogging...consistently.

i love running in the heat...the amount of sweat that pours off my body is liberating! i am tempted to be a real feminist and demand the right to run without a shirt...but after nursing two babies...i will sit on that a bit longer...don't wanna be slapped in the face with my own body parts while running!

this post is more something that's worked itself out in between church and runs...

well...i still cannot find the words...they come during worship...which happens during church and runs...HA...and they leave my mind when i finally have the opportunity to pour them into cyberspace...

it's mostly about love, tragedy, fear, hope, and deliverance.

don't ask me how...but through running...i have finally learned how to make love, conquer fears, overcome tragedy, hope to hope, and have found eternal deliverance...my runs...are more than lacing up my sneakers...God uses the time of running to untie the very tightest of knots hidden deep in my heart. i am so thankful for His Grace...and Love...and creation of movement...that what He puts in motion...no man can stop!

can i have some celery, PLEASE??

that's what my SON said this morning!!?? he loves celery!! the changes in this house this summer have been incredible!

miraculous...blessed.

we eat 3 meals at the table (i think that in and of itself is a huge reason he-we all is-are doing better).

i am cooking all kinds of things for the whole family, and we have established that he must take 6 bites of whatever i present each meal in order to earn his BIG TOY at the end of the summer.

there is no battle. the rules are clear. it's his choice to earn a happy face or not. the happy faces add up!! (NOTE: those with kiddos who have serious sensory issues...this has been a solid year of desensitizing!! this is NOT a first step!! the first step is to remove all pressure!)

mermaid has been HAPPY in the mornings!!

oh, did i mention that i have slept through the night for over a week...OVER A WEEK...for the first time in six years!!?? God is slapping me with good stuff...and i am loving it!

my mini-boot-camp-home-school started this week. i am watching 2 kiddos (exact age and gender of my kiddos!!) for a friend who just got a job. it's working out nicely, and it will be good to make some side money!! but it is keeping me very busy!! will try to post some summer pics tomorrow!

OH...and i have had great success with my menu for the week...i will try to post that, also!

the amazing adventures of dietgirl

my friend loaned the book: the amazing adventures of dietgirl to me.

it was a great read...i recommend it to ANYONE who has ever struggled with their body image/weight. it's fantastic insight to the thoughts we torture ourselves with...we who hate our bodies.

i have decided that tonight...i am laying to rest my horrible thoughts of my body...i have yet to purchase a swimming suit and take my darling kiddos to the pool...beyond my backyard kiddie pool. it doesn't help that i have been running for almost a year...and am still at the same weight i started???? but it's not about the number on the scale...haven't i blogged this before? what's my problem?

my problem is lack of self-discipline and consistency. i am an extremest. i am extremely devoted or extremely back-slidden. this personality flaw seeps into every area of my life. for once, i am living a balanced life. my house is mostly clean, my dinners have been primarily healthy and home cooked, my Bible has actually been read, we have had family devotionals almost everyday for over a week, our budget is actually...mostly on paper!!, OA and i are clicking, i am trusting that he loves me...that i am love-able...and even bigger...i am trusting that i love him! it's downright scary...balance.

but my family is flourishing...obtaining balance is far more rewarding than my magical number on the scale (which...i must brag...i almost never weigh anymore!!)...stupid scales...tonight...i am forcing myself to admit: i love how strong i feel when i run. i love the way the salty sweat stings my eyes causing me to have to do a weird-finger-flick-eye-squint movement during my run. i owe it to my body to cherish its ability to carry me onward...instead of constantly cursing its imperfections...do i want to lose my upper-bum? yes...but in due time darlings...in due time...right now...i'd just like to celebrate that i have considerably less bum cheeks than 2 years ago!! along with the opportunity of savoring every single minute of each and every moment!